Transcript of AE 1369 - Interview: A Silly Conversation With My Son Noah Smissen

G'day you mob. How's it going? Welcome to this podcast. This is the Aussie English Podcast, the number one place for anyone and everyone wanting to learn Australian English. I am your host, Pete.

And today I've got something a little different for you. As you probably guessed by the title and the image, I'm going to be interviewing my son today or hanging out with him. So this kind of came up. We had a day at home together because it was school holidays, and it was just me and him, and I said to him I had to do a bit of work, you know, doing some podcasting. And he was like, what's that? Tell me more about the podcasting thing.

And I sort of said, well, I created episodes to help people learn English. Um, you know, thousands of people listen to it and hopefully learn a bit of English and everything.

And I think the thing that he caught wind of that he heard was, Wait, thousands of people listen? And I'm like, Yeah, I don't know. Quite a few. And he's like, Does that make you famous? And I'm like, I don't know about that. But yeah, I help a lot of people. And um, he was like, can I make one? Can I do it? Can you get me on there? Can I talk, Can I get famous? And I was like, I'll tell you what, I'll pay you some pocket money. Um, if I can interview you and we can talk about whatever you want, I'll try and come up with some questions, talk to you about school, your hobbies, your interests, all that stuff.

And you just have to talk to me. You know, you sit on the couch, I'll put the microphone on you, and we can just have a little chat. So I thought, you know, it'd be fun to do this, to include him, to let him experience it.

But then also, obviously to help you guys, uh, get some listening comprehension practice with little kids because little kids can be hard to understand. I'm sure this happens in all languages, not just English. It happens when the kid is not yours, in English.

Like, I go and drop him off at school and you know, there's always little kids running around that are in his class and they'll come up and say things to you. And even for me, at times I'm like, What? What did you say? Huh? I didn't- like, I can't understand, what are you saying? Because they mispronounce things. They speak quietly, they mumble. Um, yeah.

So anyway, hopefully today's episode is a bit of fun. Those of you following me for a long time that know, you know of my kids, Noah and Joey, this will be a bit of fun for you. You'll be able to hear, um, Noah talking, being himself. Um, we get a bit silly at times, but what would you expect? You know, this is me. This is. This is me and my family. We're silly. Um, and it'll also hopefully give you a bit of, uh, listening comprehension practice with, with kids. So, anyway, without any further ado, let's get into my little first interview with my son, Noah.

Noah. How are you going?

Noah, how are you going?

Oh, no, you don't repeat after me. You got to say. Yeah. Good. How are you?

Yeah. Good. How are you?

I'm good mate. How are you going? How's your day been?

Good.

What have you been doing today?

Um, I had I had a humongous, um, paper chain.

Yeah. Paper chain. How were you making the paper chain?

So first you get a strip of paper, and then. And then you glue them, and then you glue one side, and then you.

So you glue it into a circle.

Yeah. And then and then and then. And then you get another one and put it inside. And then you put glue on it. And then you wrap it around and keep doing until you want to stop.

So you keep adding them in like links in a chain.

Yeah. And my one's humongous. I love it. I don't even think anyone can count it.

It's pretty long. It went all through the kitchen and into my office, didn't it?

Yeah. And.

You were making it all along the ground?

Yeah. And. Yeah. And, um.

What made you decide to do that?

Um, just like I wanted to do it.

You wanted to see how long you could make it?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was pretty cool. All right, so you wanted to do a podcast today? I was telling you about my job and what I do when you were saying, do other people here do you? And you're like, are you do you get famous? Do you get famous doing this? Didn't you?

Yeah.

So what do you think about it? Do you think it's cool doing podcasts?

Mhm.

And you wanted to chat. So I got a bunch of questions here that I can ask you, don't you want your drink, mate? You got your drink here. It's sort of like a Goss episode, isn't it? With my dad, I normally sit down with grandpa and we have a chat with a beer. You've got a little juice and I've got a Pepsi Max. Do you need help opening it? Do you want to open it? All right, take it easy. Don't touch it, mate. Don't touch the microphone. Okay, so the first question is, what is your favourite thing in the whole world right now?

Um. Making things.

You mean like art?

Yeah.

And why is that?

Because I just want to, like, create new things.

What kind of. What kind of things do you create?

Um. Well, I don't know, I forgot.

You do all sorts of, like, drawings and then gluing things on there and.

Yeah.

What was the most recent sort of cool art thing that you did at school?

Um, like draw, like the aborin- the abonin- what is it called?

Aboriginal?

Yeah. People.

So doing their art. You were learning about their artwork, right?

No, we weren't learning. Um, so we we're doing deep and..

What's deep?

Um, so it's where you get a free time and you learn how to share.

Okay. You have free time and then learn how to share. So it was in, in that time, was it that you were playing and doing these drawings?

Yeah I stayed inside and I made that one, the train, on the couch with 21 of the little rings.

That's cool.

Do you make it out? Yeah, I made that one. And I bring it home.

That was cool.

And I must go. We must. We made rainbow ones, with different colours. So it's a day- cause that's a declaration for the 100 Days day.

And what's the 100 Days day thing?

Um, it's where everyone goes dressed up old. And. And then. Yeah. That's all I know.

At primary school. Because you've been there for 100 days. So you're in grade. What grade are you in?

Prep.

Yep. So prep is Preparatory, right. The first year.

Prep is prep, not a grade.

Okay. So it's prep is the first year at primary school.

Yeah.

Yeah. And so you're about to celebrate your 100th day at school, right. And then to do that, you get to dress up as something old.

Yeah. And this is. I forgot about this, but now I know. Um, so we also, um, have to bring food for them, but you're not allowed to bring nuts.

Does it have to be old food?

Uh, no, it just has to bring... Only. Only? Not nuts. All the other stuff. Not nuts.

Yeah, because of allergies, right?

Yeah. You don't bring it.

So what sort of stuff do you want us to make and bring?

Um, so, like, everything, but not nuts.

Yeah, but if you could choose anything for us to make, for us to take, for you to share with people, what would you choose?

Um. I would choose fruit snacks.

You like fruit snacks?

Yeah.

But we gotta make it. You don't just buy it from the shop and pull it out of packets. What about, like, a cake..?

Oh I have an idea! We can make- we can buy the thing. This thing so we can make a chocolate cake for everyone.

Yeah, exactly. That's what I was thinking. We could probably go to the supermarket and get some of those, um..

You mean Woolies?

Cake mixes. Yeah. Woollies or Coles and get some of the, um, cake mixes. Do you like cooking?

Um, I'm not used to working. Mama doesn't even let me do it.

Doesn't let you do it?

Yeah.

Well, she did it yesterday. She cooked a chocolate cake yesterday.

Yeah, well it was just too dry.

Well, there's a difference between you not wanting to and not being allowed to. Okay. All right. Cool. So your favourite thing in the whole world at the moment is just doing art. You love, you're very creative. Joey likes it too, doesn't she?

Um. And at my school, you. You will. One day you will make potato people.

Yeah. Explain that. I think I saw them on the windowsill today.

Yeah. Um, they..

What are potato people?

Did you? Um. So you get a potato, and then you put, like, all sorts of things. All sorts of things.

They're like little wooden, uh, matchsticks? Were they matchsticks? Little bits of wood?

Did you see the one with the big red thing? The big red..

There were about 20 of them there. I don't know if I saw it. I may have, but I didn't notice it. Was that yours?

Yeah, that was mine. I made it.

So what did you make? How did you make it? What did you put in it? So you got a potato and then what did you do?

So, um, someone gave me. Cause I didn't bring it. Kelly gave me, and it was really flat, so I said Miss Mathies had a hot glue gun, and she glued googly eyes. And then I practised. I purchased all these little legs in.

And then what? It just sits there on the windowsill.

And then I. And then Miss Mathies sticked a giant little, um, belt around it. And then. And then, um, I asked her to put a little cape on, and then there's, there's little, um, there's little there's these little yellow sticks, this heat poking out. And I put two gold things, but one of them fell out. So I've only got a really long one.

Fair enough.

That's how I made it.

All right, all right. Should we ask another question? Should I ask another?

My. And on my potato people at the back. I have six butt cheeks.

Where did you learn that? Was that us? Oh my gosh. It's got six butt cheeks. How does it have six butt cheeks? Did you draw them on? Okay. All right. Next question. If you could eat only one food forever, what would it be? What food would you drink? Drink. Would you eat? You're just finishing your drink so you can only get one more food. It'd be fish and chips, wouldn't it?

No! Not.

Why not?

I hate that. Now it would be, abracadabra... Skittles.

Just Skittles? Would it actually. Yeah. That's your favourite food? Skittles.

Yeah.

Okay, so Skittles would be the food that you would eat forever. That I feel like that would, um. It make me a little crazy after a while.

Yay.

Yeah. Skittles. Okay. Um. All right. Here's a question. Here's a question. If your toys could come to life, what would they do?

Um. If my gun came to life, it would just keep going. Pew pew pew poo poo poo poo poo poo pah poo dah poo poo poo.

So you want to explain..

And so one of my. If one of my control cards came alive, it would just go boop boop.

You want to explain the gun that you recently got? Yeah. It's like a pirate gun, right? Like an.

No. No. They use it in the Wild West.

Do they? It looks a bit older than that.

Yeah. It's so. In the Wild West, they use these guns and to protect themselves and the people that make them. They. They put fancy riding on.

Oh, but what are you. It's a Nerf gun, right? No, you don't have to show me, mate. We're on the podcast. So it's a Nerf gun. What do you do with it?

Ummm..

What have you been doing with it recently? What have you been shooting?

So I've been shooting up that door for the cat food chain, and then I tried to dodge them as soon as they did bounce back and tried to, but some they hit me at certain times, and I put a chair there and put some bottles there, and then I try and shoot the bottles.

That's what you've been shooting, cans. You get cans out of recycling..

That big giant plastic Coke bottle.

And you shoot it with a Nerf gun.

Yeah. So I got really close, and then I tried it, and then I shot the lead. And then.

Yeah, it's been making a lot of noise, hasn't it?

Yeah.

All right. Next question.

And then I figured out a way so I don't lose the bullets.

What did you figure out?

So I shoot them and then I just run back where the bullet went, and then I grab it.

So you pick it up straight away.

So I say, but sometimes when you shoot it, you can get confused in the direction that that you think is going. Because. Because when, when you see it going in the direction that you think it's going, it's actually going into a different direction.

Yeah. Sometimes it, like, bounces off things, right?

Yeah. So remember that time where, um. So I shot it in and, and then I thought. And then I got confused that I went in here.

Mhm.

But it was actually in the kitchen somewhere.

Yeah I remember. All right. All right. Next question.

It was like after yesterday.

What makes you laugh really hard.

Uh. Not much.

What are you talking about? You laugh all the time.

Well, no, not all the time. I have to. It's really hard to make me laugh.

I don't know about that.

Oh, I used to, but.

Okay. What about if I said 'bums on my life'? [Noah laughs] Who said that, Noah?

I know.

Whose catchphrase is that? Yeah, you can see you're a bit obsessed with bombs at the moment, aren't you? That always makes you laugh.

Not anymore. Not anymore.

Not anymore? Oh okay, it's changed.

You know, now- I'm now, I'm obsessed with those paper chains.

Yeah. You love making the paper chains. All right. Let's keep going. Okay. Um, if you could build something unlimited, huge, massive, out of Lego, what would be the first thing you would try and build out of Lego?

A humongous statue.

Mmm.

Of. Poo!

Of a poo! So you just, you just need brown blocks. Yeah. And maybe a few yellow ones for the corn in the poo.

Yeah.

Are you serious? You would actually do poo?

Yeah I'll do that.

Oh my gosh. That'd be..

So as soon as I finish the statue. I'll just. When I need to go pee, right onto it.

That's be silly. All right. Let's keep going. If you had a superpower, what would it be and how would you use it?

Okay, so I would just. If I, if Genie was alive, I would get one and try and find one.

Who was alive?

Genie!

Oh, Genie from Aladdin!

Yes. And then I'd say when it comes out. Make me fly.

So you'd like to fly?

Yeah.

Why would you want to fly?

Because I want to. I want to escape from. Well, I. I was doing. I was really wanting to fly at Day-care because, um, everyone Day-care wanted to escape, and I just imagined that I want to get. So I just fly over the gate and get in great beginnings.

And what would you let the other kids out, or would you just fly off?

I'll just fly from.

It would be like, Screw you guys! I'm out of here! You're good. That's, that's not very nice. What about Joey? What superpower do you think she'd end up with if she chose one? Your sister Joey.

Um. Sticker power. Could you use lipstick? She's obsessed with stickers.

So she would, what, make--

No, no, so she would. So she would have stickers in here and..

In her wrist, like Spider-Man.

Yeah. And yeah. And then. And then. And then she would have a little heart like Spider-Man and.

Just shoot stickers.

Because someone would come out like, and and I would also have this power. So I would go invisible.

You'd want to be invisible. But there's one of those.

Like, I'm invisible. I come around and smack your bum! And I'm like, whatever I typed is gonna go invisible. And then I would touch my gun. And then as soon as I. And then I try and shoot someone.

Would that mean, Noah, if you were invisible and anything you touch goes invisible, what happens when you smack my bum?

Yeah.

Does my bum go invisible, or do I all-.

No, no..

Or does all of me go invisible?

No. Um. So whatever I touch that's alive doesn't come.

Right? Okay, so my bum's not alive. That's what you're saying?

Yeah.

Okay. All right. Um. All right. If you could invent a new animal, what would it look like? You can invent any animal.

It would have a humongous bum.

Jesus. We gotta stop talking about bums, Noah. The joke is done. No more bums. Okay. What? What would you do? You get to create a new animal.

It will be one part armadillo head and an armadillo armour. And then you would have, um, um, a turtle shell on each side.

Two turtle shells?

On each side. And then? And then it would have a little hole here.

In its throat?

Yeah. And then. Yeah. And then as soon. And then as soon as you try to get close to it and knife it to the period of a walrus, a roars. Um, what's it called?

Tusk.

Yeah. Would..

A walrus tusk would appear out of its neck?

Yeah, it's called the Kingdom..

So, wait, you said it had. It would have an armadillo shield sort of shell on itself. And then two turtle shells on either side, and then a hole in its neck for a walrus tusk to come out. Does the walrus tusk just come out and, like, stay there? Or does it shoot like a bullet?

Um, I think- so, he's got a million in there, and they'll just pew pew! So..

It'll be a pretty big animal, I think.

As one as when, as soon as one went out, it it would, it would, um, so another one would appear and when all go out and and they're all gone. He could grow back in a pair.

Would he be able to go and collect the walrus tusks like you do with Nerf bullets and reload.

And then I'll put a hole in there, and then I can shoot at him..

And there'd be a hole in his leg where you could put reload.

Oh, yeah, and I forgot something else. So it would have four legs and then, and then it and it had lots of holes in them. And then, and then they could have. And then boar's tusks would be around the wrist and then um, and. Yeah. So it could go so and then it could twist its hand all around and it would go pew pew pewng..

Okay. All right. All right. All right. We're getting a bit silly. Maybe we could just do 1 or 2 more. What? What makes you feel happy? What makes you feel happy in life?

Probably my money.

Yeah, man. Yeah. I thought you were going to say 'my mommy'. Did you say 'my money'?

No, I say 'my money'. Yeah!

My money.

Stop laughing...!

What? Why did you choose your money? What made you choose that?

.. want to be rich!

You want to be rich? But what would you do with the money? If you were rich, what would you spend it on? What would you buy?

I wouldn't spend it on anything. I would keep it.

Oh, that sounds like Scrooge McDuck. Do you know the story of Scrooge McDuck?

No.

I have to show you that movie. He just holds on to it. He hoards his wealth. He holds onto all the money. But what's the point of having all that money if you don't get to spend it on anything? What would you do with it? Just look at it?

No.

What would you do with it? Put it in the fire and burn it to make heat?

No, not do that!

What are you gonna do with it?

So some of it would be chocolate coins, and I could eat it all.

Ah so that kind of money. Chocolate money.

Some of them will be real.

Mhm.

And some of them would even be eaten. I'm not bluffing!

It's funny. It was a funny thing to say. All right. Um. All right. Here's a, here's a nice question. Here's a nice question.

.. And the funny thing.

Here's a nice question. What do you love most about your family?

Uh.

No serious, serious, serious questions.

Serious. Serious. Serious. What do you love most about your family? Apart from Dada?

Uh.

Not 'who'. 'What'. What do you love most?

Oh, my crystals.

That's not part of the family, Noah! What are you talking about? Your crystals aren't part of the family.

I. I don't even know you..

Would you like spending time with us? Do you like mama's cooking? Do you like, um, spending time with Joey and playing with her outside? What do you love most? What do you love?

.. Keagan's brother!

Keagan's your best friend. So you'd like to not be in this family. And you would like to be in Kevin's family.

No, so you'd still be in the family, but you would be in his family and..

So who would I be in the family, though? Would I be Keagan's brother or his dad or his son? Who would I be?

You are two dads.

Right. Okay. All right. All right, let's finish up. We'll do one last question for today. I think people probably had enough. You choose, you point at one. What do you want me to choose? All right, you're choosing that one?

Yeah.

What's your favourite thing to learn at school? We just came back from a little, um, teacher-parent interview, didn't we? So I was learning about how you were learning to read and write. Mrs. Matthews, your teacher was saying you were doing really well.

Probably writing.

Yeah, he's saying that you're doing really well, but yeah. So what's your favourite thing to learn at school?

Writing.

Why do you like writing?

Cause I'm, I'm, I still this is what I do. So I used to, um, do so I still do this. I, I do humongous sentences that my, um. Miss Matthews is really really happy.

She loves it. Yeah. She's saying they're a bit difficult to read because you don't use spaces yet, but you're learning.

Aye, sometimes I do.

You do, you do. You do very well. She says you're doing really, really well, mate. So you love writing. Do you like writing?

All the time. I'm used to not do my eyes really well, but now I do.

They were pretty. So first year old..

First. First you do an a D, and then you do a little line that goes like this.

That was what you were showing me that you were doing. Yeah. All right. Cool. Do you want to say anything else before we finish up our first podcast? Did you enjoy it?

Um.

No?

Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on? No? Nothing else to say? So what we normally do at this point is just say, you know, 'Thanks for joining us' and 'We'll see you next time' because they're listening. So what do you say?

Goodbye!

Good enough. See you guys.

How do you say goodbye in Portuguese?

Ciao.

Ciao!

Or you can say 'atemas'.

Atemas!

You know that most of them don't speak Portuguese, right?

Yeah. I just wanted to say that.

Okay. So, yeah.

Yeah, they'll they'll know that that means 'bye'. Because you said had is because I said, how do you say 'bye', yeah.

Precisely. So say goodbye.

Bye!

See ya!