Transcript of AE 1421 - The Biggest Lie We Were Told About Adulthood

What's the biggest thing you were completely wrong about when you imagined adulthood?

The biggest thing. Probably that we would know what we're doing at this stage. Like that we have somehow figured life out. Yeah, I think that's the biggest misconception about getting older.

It is. Yeah. It is funny, isn't it? The more- the older you get, the more you look around and you go, oh, no one's got the foggiest idea what's going on either.

Yeah. Well, at least like we get- obviously you mature and you get more confident within yourself and you, you get very good at certain areas. Like maybe you're really good at what you do or, you know, you, and not as insecure anymore, but there is always this feeling of, you know, we're just learning as we go rather than arriving somewhere where you just know things.

Yeah.

If it makes sense.

Yeah. It does. It does.

G'day, guys! Welcome to the Aussie English podcast. Grab a cuppa, get comfy and let's have a yarn!

G'day, you mob! Welcome back to the Aussie English Podcast. I'm your host, Pete. And my beautiful wife Kel is here. How are you, Kel?

Good. How are you?

Good. Today we're going to be talking about adulthood and I guess childhood as well. Being young and thinking about what life is like as an adult.

Yeah.

So what did teenage you think life would look like when you got older? This is one of those things that I always keep thinking about the older I get- yeah, because I always had in my mind that everyone had it together. Life was super easy. You get a job, you've got plenty of money. You just do whatever you want. You know there's no. You don't have to worry about anyone telling you what you can or can't do. Go to bed whenever you want. And then you get here and you're like, oh, I just want to be a kid again.

Well, but that is also a reflection of the people you had around you that were probably, you know, very successful or, you know, like do very down to earth and doing ticking all the boxes. So that's your reference because for me, it's like, I would think it was terrifying.

What do you mean you thought it was terrifying?

I just looked at people around me and I already, could already see no one knew what they were doing.

From what age are we talking?

But also, just like, you know, some sort of idea that the adults around me were not as stable as they should be, you know? So that's, I think it's just back to growing up in different sort of perspectives. Yeah.

So what did you think when you were a teenager and you were thinking about adulthood? What did you think adulthood was going to be like?

Definitely easier than it is. But also, you just, I just had this real feeling of, Oh, I don't know what to do. You know, so I thought, you know, at this age I would be certain about things or, you know, if I had kids thinking back then I just would know how to parent them. You know, those things would come naturally. And you have, you know, you work somewhere fancy and you have all these, these dreams, but then you get there. It's like we, we do know, but also we just like I said before, we're just learning, learning on the job kind of thing.

I used to always think when I had fights with my parents or with adults, you know, and you would have that tension of they don't know what it's like being a kid. But also, they used to be kids and they should know what it's like. You know, even if they are 30, 40, 50, 60 years old, they were once kids like. Yeah, but but at the same time, no one understands me because I'm, you know...

You're so unique and your issues are so unique to you...

And now I'm in that age where I'm like, fuck, I can't remember what it's like being a kid. So quite often I find myself getting angry with our kids. You know, about being too loud, making too much noise, never sitting still, running around like crazy. And then I have to remember that that's exactly what I was like as a kid.

I do, though, get a feeling when I look at them like not a memory, but that feeling of I sort of know what you're feeling.

Yeah.

You know, when they just play and being loud.

Yeah.

It is easy just to look at them and be like, even though we don't remember what it felt like, but you're like, this kid is so young that you sort of get a sense of. They have no idea.

Yeah.

So you see yourself being that that age again kind of thing. I see that a lot with Noah because he's more similar to me. And I just yeah, it takes me back to like, I know exactly why you are frustrated.

Yeah.

But you know, I still have to parent you. So.

Yeah, it's an interesting thing. I guess it's just, yeah, the distance between you now and when you were 4 or 5, 6 or 7 years old is so great that even though you pass through it.

And just change so much. Like nowhere near as who you were when you were that age.

Yeah.

You know, you just evolve.

And what was I doing recently? I was sitting in the car and Noah was making all these like [Pete making noise].

Which is literally.

Like, damn it, dude, will you just shut up? Like, I wasn't saying that, but I was thinking the whole time, like, can't you just sit still and be quiet? Can you just chill out? But then when I went home and I was, you know, got online and I was like, you know what? I want to know why children do that. And I can't remember if it was ChatGPT or Google or what it was, but it was effectively explaining that here's why children don't just sit still. Here's why they make so much noise. Their their brains are still growing and learning. And, you know, they're learning to control their voice. They're learning to control their movement. They're playing.

Regulating. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, and they're just getting used to it. And whereas for adults, we've done it for 30, 40, 50 years. And so you're not they're playing with sounds and making noise and singing and experimenting with movement and noise, you know, whereas our kids will be just running around like [Pete making noise] And you're just like...

Random songs and like rhythm and just like little stories. Sometimes you walk past and they're like, just like.

I know. Today I was, I had a break and I was playing a bit of Minecraft. My kids got me sucked into it. So I was just like, you know, I'm gonna have ten minutes of just playing. And then Noah walks into the room and I'm just like, oh shit. Like, not not because I don't want him to be there, but as soon as he comes in, he's like, I want to play, I want to take over, I want to, and I'm like, I just wanted ten minutes to just chill. And he's like, don't worry, dad. I'm just going to watch quietly. And I was like, oh, okay. Okay, buddy. And then straight away. Oh, don't don't do that, dad. Oh, watch out for that. Dad, don't. Oh, dad, you did that. And I'm like, you just play Noah. Like, you just play buddy.

Oh, the poor thing. He wants to feel like he's part of it. He's helping you, you know.

But it just drives me nuts sometimes because then what happened? He, uh. I got eaten by a zombie or whatever it is in there. And he was just like, oh, that wouldn't happen to me. And I'm like, I'm out.

Oh, don't do that.

I feel judged, judged by my six year old son.

He's so like, he wants to feel like he's helping you.

Yeah.

You know, that he could, like contributed to you advancing in the game or whatever. I have no interest in Minecraft, but he's still be like, come to me every time. Like, so excited about this thing that he built or whatever that he found out how to do. So you can imagine how I feel because I have no connection to this game. At least you know what? You know.

When you were young, what age felt old?

Oh, that's a good question. What do you mean? Like, I when I started feeling that I was getting older.

Yeah. I, I don't know when you were thinking about adults as a kid, whether you were, you know, Noah's age or a teenager. What was old.

30s people in their 30s, because my mom was only 30 something when I remember being like, you know, capable of thinking, yeah, but 30 something was old. And people, yeah, like we say, millennials changed the way old looks because, you know, someone 40 today doesn't look old at all. Like you just...

Sun exposure.

Yeah.

Sunscreen.

So I just think, yeah, that's probably 30 something I would say. Oh, you're so old.

Yeah. You get, I'm gonna get you to let the cat out because we've got a cat in here in my office, and she's just going nuts running around like a psycho. She's getting frisky. She's she's wants to shut it completely. So she's got the door here. I'm just gonna shut it. All right. So, yeah, for me, I don't know, I felt like I remember being it was funny. You would be like year seven at school and you would think, God, the people in year 12, they're like adults. Oh, and they're like 17, 18 years old. And you're like, look, it's so big. I remember being like 13 or 14. It's at high school and just thinking, oh my God, that's like a lifetime away.

Oh no. You know, it just goes so fast.

And then you get there and you're like, oh man. Like.

And it's so funny because I think that that feeling keeps happening throughout life. We just don't have the same sort of reaction, but it keeps happening when you get to a milestone, whatever, with in regards to age and you're just like, oh, that wasn't exciting at all. You know, it's just like, what a, what a letdown because you don't arrive anyway.

Yeah.

You know, you just like become somewhat a different version of who you already were, if that makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember watching the TV show Friends when I was young. It used to be on TV from the 90s until the early 2000. And Kel hates it, but my family loved it. So I was always watching it. And I did like it. But I remember there was a key moment when I was younger, and I think towards the end of the series, all the characters, I assume the actors as well, but the characters started turning 30. And I remember that being like a, oh fuck, that's like halfway through your life. Like, damn, you know, that's old. Oh! And now I remember getting to 30 and thinking about that and being like, Oh damn, I'm over the hill. And also thinking like, I thought they were so much older in my mind. And now I'm 30 and I'm like, I feel like a fraud.

Yeah.

I don't feel like I'm, you know, I, I thought by 30, you had a house, you had kids, you had it all together. You had a proper job. And I was like finishing my PhD with no, no job, no kids, no girlfriend. And I was just like, Ugghh no savings.

Nothing. Yeah.

Did you think you'd be richer than you currently are? You are pretty rich.

I am...

Being my wife. You're loaded.

Absolutely no money at all.

No, I don't know. I thought it would be working somewhere fancy was always a big thing. Like, not when I say fancy where. I mean, it's like doing something important.

Respected.

Respected. Yeah. So I, because, I don't know, maybe the coach or whatever, there is a lot of identity tied to what you do for a living in Brazil.

Yeah.

So I thought I would be doing something, you know, very important, but not rich. No.

Yeah.

I was very realistic in that aspect.

Did you want to be rich? Was that something you aspired to be, or is it something that...

100%, always!

I don't know, like maybe Brazilians are much more modest and sort of like, no, I don't need that. You know, like.

We do like money.

Is that, it was the same for us. Everyone wants to be rich because you think in your mind it makes life easier.

I guess as I got older, maybe, maybe even like early 20s, I would think, oh, it'll just happen. I'll just get money, you know.

Just off a tree.

It just became so clear as I got older that these things are very hard and rarely happen. You know, you're not going to win the lottery. It's just a very real sense of how short life is. But also, these are your odds. You know, it's very rare that a life changing thing will happen. Like, you know, you're gonna get, well, millions of dollars.

You did kind of strike gold by marrying a fair dinkum Aussie bloke, you know?

Jesus.

What's wrong? What's wrong with that? That's true. Look at you. So what made, what moment did you realise, you know, that everything wasn't as you thought it once was. That nothing was going to be true. The curtain was pulled back and you saw realities.

Well, my 30s have been really eye opening in also having kids. But that was a, you know, a real sort of reality drop. Can you say that? Check.

Reality check. Yeah.

Yeah. Of like, oh, okay. So, you know, closer to my 40s now than I am to my 30s.

Oh, tell me about it. It's around the corner.

And it's like, oh, okay, okay. It's not forever. I don't have a lot of time, you know? Yeah, it's it's scary. Maybe that's what people say. It's a midlife crisis.

I think so.

Because. And I don't see, like, crisis in a bad way. I also think it's like you just become so aware of how temporary things are in, you know.

Well, and...

And that's, that's the sort of momentum for you to. Okay, now I'm going to take up exercise. You know, you know, it's a real. People say, oh, you're trying to deny or whatever, but I think it's more like, we know we've been through so many changes from, you know, young adults, adults and now middle age that you're just like, that is that's it. There's no, we don't have a lot of infinite time, you know?

It's true. I mean, being candid about it, you have to realise, you know, this is I'm not going to have other relationships. I may not get rich. I may not travel the world. And I think that's the whole if the midlife crisis thing comes from focusing too much on the things you are missing out on. You know, it's having that the glass is half empty. Look, instead of the glass is half full. As opposed to instead of thinking, well, I'm not gonna, you know, have a relationship with other people, but I am having this strong relationship with a single person that's going to last a very long time. I am having children. I do have a solid career. Many people don't, you know, and.

It's also thinking the boxes you did check, you know, like, oh yeah, I have kids. You know, I did that.

Married an Australian.

And just, oh my God. It just becomes this thing of really looking at it from a very realistic perspective of maybe you do become a little bit sour as you get older and less of a dreamer. Like, as you know, in your 20s, you have all this, but it's just, it's a good thing in a sense, because you're like, okay, this is limited amount of time. I want to use it wisely.

I think though, that happens as a parent, right? Because you stop thinking about yourself first. I mean, it happens in a relationship too. But I mean, you stop thinking about, you know, like for me with Aussie English working on this business, it's sort of like I could spend, I could try and spend way more time growing it, making more money, getting more success, you know, blah, blah, blah. But I'm like, I really enjoy spending as much of my spare time as I can with my kids and my family, you know, which isn't necessarily as much as it could be. But if, if, you know, there are plenty of other parents that I know that they're never there for drop offs at school or for pick ups, they're never there at home with their kids all the time. And I work here, so I have to constantly be trying to make make time. And I could lean more into work if I really wanted. But it's kind of like, what do I actually get out of that? No one's going to remember that you worked harder. The kids will remember that you were there for them.

And it's literally just looking at things from like, I have only this amount of time and using it in a way that is like, okay, we do still have to make money, but also.

I want to enjoy it.

I want to enjoy it because you know how fast it goes.

And that's why I buy so many guitars.

It's not really like it's not dark in a sense or you, you know, you're just counting your days or whatever, but it's just a very interesting place to be at where you're not old, but you're not young anymore. But you have this in the middle, sort of like, okay, I've come this far.

Yeah.

Now I want this other half of my time here to be lived this way.

I think the first, the first moment that I kind of realised that I was old, was when I started getting sour looks from younger women. When you would talk to them as like, why are you talking to me? Kind of look. Yeah, like, and it's not like I was approaching random women in the street.

No, I know what.

You mean, but I remember there was one. There was one young girl. She must have been like 21, 22 at day-care when our kids were there. I can't remember her name. But I would just. I like making small talk.

Yeah.

And there are a few times when I thought, you know, I'm young, I'm hip, I'm cool. I'll just. What are you up to? What are you doing? What are you. You know how I can't even remember what the conversations were about, but I got this vibe of. Why are you talking to me, old man? You know? And being like, I think I was left afterwards kind of like, oh. Like.

Oh, humbled.

My God, I can't, I can't.

Immediately.

Yeah. Well, you know, when you're in your 20s and you're talking to, I don't know, older, that's a little.

Spark there still of like, yeah, I know what you mean. I know that feeling.

No one gives you a look. No one gives. They just sort of accepted. But I got this vibe of like, what is this old guy?

You're not one of us anymore.

Yeah. And I was just like, ah, I'm off the team. Oh, it was that moment he realised, man, I'm never gonna forget that. I was actually kind of.

I get a lot of that at work because we have I work in a music school, so we have kids of all ages and we try and be as friendly as possible. And there are people that, you know, regulars obviously been there, going there for years that we chat to every week. So you sort of build this relationship with this person. And then some kids, they're like. They really would just like roll their eyes at us when we try like, hi, how are you going? How was your weekend? And it was like.

Oh, typical greeting.

But then you get to see it's such a beautiful thing because I've been there for the last four years. I remember like when this little kid started, let's just an example. And then seeing them four years later, just getting a little bit more. Yeah, you know, getting older and just understanding that small talk is part of it. It's so cute. But yeah, the young generation gave me a dirty look. It's a bit.

Yeah, I wasn't ready for that. I felt kind of. What was the other thing I went to? I was at a burger joint once and again. I just like being friendly to everyone. I don't care if you're a teenager behind the, you know, behind the cash register at a burger place or whatever. And I was just, I can't remember what I said. It was something like, you know what? I was curious about anyone being named my name today. So this young girl, she was probably 18 or 19. I was like, do you know anyone called Pete in your generation now? Like, I don't see Peter, Thomas, Geoffrey, James. I don't see these old Christian names. She goes and she goes, my dad's called Pete!

She goes, I don't know.

No, no. She said, my dad's called Pete. And I was like, God damn, I'm really feeling my age now. There were those sort of two key moments.

And they're like, oh my God, so embarrassing. Get out.

So what's, what's something that no one warned you about getting older?

Oh my God.

Yeah. Put you on the spot.

Really hard questions.

We probably already covered a few of these things. You know what? For me, I'll go first. The pressure of having a mortgage.

Yeah.

Good grief. Like. And.

It just sucks everything out. Like that's it.

Of your bank account.

That's so.

Especially once the interest rates rose. I know. Good grief. Yeah. That was that was a brutal reality where you're like, oh, I have to now be more budget minded and plan ahead a little more and not just be as frivolous with my money. Yeah. Yeah. So that was one thing I don't think anyone warned me about. And then I realised I had more compassion for my parents looking back and I'm like, oh, they were struggling with all these things in the background. Yeah, but maybe they were good parents because I was always unaware of those things. They kind of just never made those my problem.

And it shouldn't be. No.

Uh oh.

What is that?

We got an interrupter.

Is it? Who is it?

It's my daughter, Joey. Did you hear us yapping about in the background?

Where is dad?

Well, I've got a feeling this episode is gonna have to be continued another time.

We can. We can do a part two.

We can, we can. There you go, guys. This is what life is like being a parent. This is another thing no one warned you about.

He's not in the room.

You no longer have your freedom. You have to do whatever your kids want. Yeah. Go! No, no! Jojo's high five.

Say bye bye.

Give me a wpsh! Yeah. Let's go. All right, guys, well, we will continue this to be continued. Okay. Thanks for joining us and we'll see you next time. Say bye, Joey. She's waving. See you guys.