Guys, welcome to this post baby episode of Aussie English. So, I am currently at home with Kel on the couch sitting with baby Noah in Kel's arms. I guess just before we get started we should just give you a warning that we're going to be talking about the birth, we're going to be probably talking about body parts operations, there might be swearing involved. So, if you don't want to hear about that sort of stuff, if you're a young child, if you don't want to hear swearing, if you... Just be aware that that may come up in the interview.
Or if you are pregnant and you want avoid...
Details.
Details. I mean, my experience wasn't horrible. I have a very positive experience, but there are details that might, you know, make you feel a bit uneasy, I guess, if you're pregnant and trying to avoid those things. But yeah...
So, I thought today the goals could be rehashing the entire process from, I guess, Friday morning all the way to yesterday or today just to obviously share our experience with everyone, but also for any pregnant women or expectant fathers waiting for their pregnant wives to give birth or who may have children in the future they can hear the story, learn from it, obviously improve their English at the same time and learn a lot of vocabulary and everything related to pregnancy and this entire process. So, do you want to start the story off Kel? What happened on Friday morning?
So, on Thursday night I was feeling a bit weird like I wasn't in pain or anything which is a bit uncomfortable. So by 630 a.m. on Friday my waters broke.
How many weeks pregnant were you?
39 plus three.
Yeah, three days.
Three days. Then my waters broke and what you have to do is you call the midwife or call the hospital.
I remember being in bed and I was sort of like stirring. I woke up a little bit and I heard Kel go to the toilet and I was like, you know, that's normal, Kel always goes the toilet at the moment because her bladder is tiny and because of the baby and she has to pee all the time, but then I heard you leave the bedroom and go into the other room and the reason I knew it was something, not serious, but I knew something important was because she was speaking English on the phone.
So, instantly I knew and I knew because of your tone of voice "hello I just wanted to..." I'm like alright, she's talking to someone official. Instantly I was like here we go. So, what happened? You called up to tell them your waters had broken.
Yes. And she said come in, we're going to check you, see if your waters have really broken and see what's the next step. So, we drove to Geelong, which is probably 30 minutes away, the hospital. We got there, got checked out, it was definitely my waters were broken and she said because I didn't have any complications with my pregnancy, everything was fine, I could come back home.
So, they checked you for some kind of bacteria, right? They do a, what do they call it? I guess a vaginal swab, where they check your vagina for a certain kind of bacteria that if your waters break it can pose a risk, that bacteria gets into the uterus, into the placenta, so they need if you have that bacteria, if you're found to have a positive result when they're checking for that bacteria, you need to stay in hospital as soon as your water have broken, but you received a negative result.
Yes.
So, you didn't have that bacteria and so?
Exactly, so we could come back home and wait for the contractions to start here.
So, we went in at six thirty, probably got there at seven something, waited around an hour or so, got checked, and then they were like well, contractions could start any time in the next day or two. So, what did they say? They said go home until 10:00 p.m. tonight, they want you to wait 18 hours after your water have broken and if by 18 hours you haven't gone into labour they want you to come back in and they'll induce you or see what's happening. So, they said instead of coming back at 12 exactly at midnight, which was when you were meant to come in because that was the 18 hours plus, they said just come in at 10:00 and we'll get you set up.
So, we spent the entire day at home, right?
The entire day at home, we had ice cream, I went for a walk I did everything to help.
That was the surprising thing, sorry to interrupt you, but that was a surprising thing for me. We're always watching movies, right? And you see women have their waters break and all the water just gushes out on the ground and then they go into labour, like it's straight away, right?
I wish.
But that is so not the case. What's it like in reality?
It feels like you're peeing yourself, but he's just so... it's such a huge amount of water and he just comes out and you can't really control it like you can't control it at all.
It seemed to be every time you'd get up.
Yeah. Every time you get up, you move, you walk. It's just constant. And it doesn't end, It's just like... It's like you opened a tap. There is a tap open inside you. It's so weird.
We were in a few places, right? We went to Queenscliff to get ice cream because we had to spend the day just sort of hanging out and monitoring Kel and to see if she had any contractions and started labour. So, we were like ok we'll go get some food. That was the funny thing we came back and went to a cafe and got some food, straight after your waters had broken, which again is not something I'd never thought we would be doing, right? I thought you'd be all hands on deck everyone freak out like "I oh my God! Here comes the baby!"
We were really chilled, we were like let's get breakfast and we had ice cream.
Last breakfast together, then we went, after lunch, we went down to Queenscliff, got some ice cream, walked around and Kel was dripping everywhere.
Everywhere. Like, I had to change clothes probably... It is that bad, it wets everything.
I think for women out there who are going to have their waters break anytime soon or in the future when you end up pregnant get some maternity pads.
Oh yeah.
Because we didn't have any beforehand, we didn't have any proper...
We had like normal period, not maternity pads as they tend to be thicker. I just had my normal period like menstrual whatever.
Which barely help for the waters, at least.
There's no way that would hold the waterfall that was coming out of me.
Yeah, yeah. So, anyway you had to keep changing your pants.
Yes.
The good thing is it wasn't smelly, it wasn't horrible or anything. It's just that you constantly have this liquid coming out of you, right? Which is just unpleasant.
It was a was quite funny, like I was relaxed. I was like yeah, things will start very soon and we were making jokes about it, watching movies.
We spent the day watching Breaking Bad, I think, right? We're just chilling out.
It was really nice.
So, later on that night what happened? It got to 10 o'clock, what was your state at that time? Were you in labour yet?
No. I was feeling contractions, but very mild ones. Like not even... Like I had my period, you know? It was just like really, really light.
And they weren't regular.
No.
They weren't happening, you know, periodically it was...well they were but not rhythmically, like not every few minutes or something.
But I was oh, nice, you know, something's happening.
Things are moving!
Things are moving, let's go to hospital. We got there before 10:00, I think.
Oh, man, and this is where the whole thing began, right? So, we got in there, we said hello, they put us in a birthing suite with a double bed, which was good so we could both sleep and again at that time I was thinking ok, well, baby's going to come tonight. Tomorrow morning we'll have him, uhuh! So, we got moved into room five, ok? So, we started in room five, lots of space. It was pretty good.
It was good apart from like, you know, they have to check me and get blood samples and things, so it wasn't a very...
They had to put a, not a catheter, what's it called? The long needle that they have to put into your arm or hand.
For the antibiotic.
Yeah to keep your antibiotics. What was that called again? I've forgotten the word for it, but they put a large needle in that has a tap on it. That they can introduce liquids through into your body. And they had to give you antibiotics to kill any of the bacteria that had entered your placenta or uterus, so they had to start doing that and they were going to use it later for the induction. So, you had to have that happen in room five when you went in. They gave you the antibiotics. How did that feel and what was it like?
The needle was huge. Like, I'm so glad I don't have like a phobia or like fear of needles.
I had to leave the room.
It was so thick! It was the thickest needle I've ever seen in my life, but I'm like I'm about to push a baby so I have to be firm.
You took it like a machine. I was so proud of you. I can't, for anyone listening, I don't like needles or blood when it's related to needles. I see be bleeding and everything, the sight of blood doesn't make me faint, but the idea of someone poking a hole in you and then taking blood out of you for some reason it just affects me. And, so while Kel was having this done, again, I can sit there and have it happen near me, but the fact that she was talking about it and walking through it it was sort of just getting to me so it's like I'm going to have to go to the toilet.
She was very descriptive.
And she missed! She she missed your vein in your hand.
And had to try another one.
And had to try your arm instead. I was like oh my God, this is gross.
And it happened twice. She was poking you like a pin cushion.
So, I got the antibiotics and I thought ok, now I'll try to sleep, we'll try to sleep and see what happens during the night. And that's another thing, things were not very punctual at a hospital like we were supposed to start with the antibiotics around midnight, I think, as you said, but it was a bit late. Like everything was a bit late and we ended up going to bed around 2:00 a.m.
The problem with that evening was too that there were just so many women going into labour and so the midwives saw the sort of female nurses in charge of women giving birth we're running around like chickens with no heads, right? Headless chooks really busy because they would have to suddenly go and all help one woman who is giving birth.
And the other ones awaiting like me, I was waiting to be adding to labour so I wasn't a priority at the moment.
But it was good Friday nigh, we got quite a bit of sleep.
Yeah it was good.
You weren't in labour at that point either. We woke up in the morning at like what would that have been? Six o'clock and then they were like alright, we're going to have to induce you. So, what happened after that?
We had to change rooms.
So, we moved to room number four, which was across the hall, didn't have a double bed, just a single bed.
It had a bath.
And a pool, an inflatable pool. Yeah that was tight against the wall except you couldn't use it because you'd been induced and had the intravenous needles in you.
Yeah. So, we got there, I got comfortable. They were expecting to start induction around...
It was meant to happen like 7h30, I think. Sometime early in the morning after we'd moved rooms, but then the midwife just disappeared.
Disappeared and you could hear women screaming all over the place, giving birth.
And they had some weird alarm that started making this like positive din din din din...din din din din din and that meant that a baby had been born. They would play that and, so we kept hearing that and the chick didn't come back for ages. So, I think by about...I can't remember what time, it was 11 o'clock that we first, that I first went out and said we've been waiting since 7h30 to get induced. It's been nearly three and a half four hours. Can we get something done? And the women were like oh sorry, yeah we'll we'll go get someone. And I walked back to the room didn't hear from them walked back out and there was no one, the place was empty so obviously all the women were giving birth at the same time and these women had all gone into different rooms and were helping them out.
So, we had to wait. We had to wait for a long time.
So, yeah you only got induced after lunch.
After lunch, yeah, when they finally started.
So, what did that involve? The induction.
It involved getting oxytocin.
So, they have synthetic oxytocin in a bag of saline solution and they had to give you another bag of saline solution to dilute that oxytocin. So, you have two different bags of liquid fluid going into your intravenous drip at different rates and the oxytocin that gets injected into you is the natural hormone you produce., but they inject synthetic oxytocin to up your levels to cause your placenta and uterus to start contracting and go into labour.
Because my body wasn't doing it like fast enough. So, yeah that's when I started swelling.
Yes, swelling up, right? Because you were suddenly overwhelmed with a large amount of liquid being put into your body.
Plus the antibiotic that I had to take.
That was surprising. So, her legs started getting a little fatter and your ankles and your feet. I didn't notice until later, to be honest.
Maybe looking at them I was like oh that's nothing wrong, but then when I moved I felt there was a bit heavy, heavier.
You got fluid retention, right?
So, there was just you know at the start of the induction, there wasn't much happening for a long time after that.
Well, they've pretty much they put that in you and I think they have some kind of chart that tells you how much oxytocin you'll get. I think they start you at like 12 millilitres per hour and it goes up in weight increments, like by double. So, I was 12, 24, 36, 48, 72 and then it just kept going up all the way to like 200 or so.
And the higher the oxytocin you're taking, the amount of oxytocin you're taking, more painful the contractions become and like closer together. Intense.
So, what was it like compared to what you were thinking the induction was going to be like? Because you beforehand from watching these documentaries with me, at least, you'd heard and seen some horror stories where it hurts a lot and that's said to come on fast, but I think because they sort of staged it like 12, 24, 36 whatever they could control how quickly it came on, right? Which was really good.
It wasn't bad at all. It was much, much nicer than what I was expecting. When I finally started to get pain. Like really, really intense pain, it was, it was already I think like nine or something at night and the for whole day I was getting consistent contractins. There were you know somewhat painful, but not extremely debilitating or anything, so I thought it would hit me like straight away like incredible pain, but I was like very mild and just building up. As they said it would be.
What does a contraction feel like?
It feels like...I know everyone says that, but it does feel like period pain. Although, they last a lot longer. Like I think period pain you might wake up and you'll feel a bit off and you're like oh yeah I got my period, but perhaps by the end of the day you're feeling fine. It doesn't build up, it doesn't increase whereas the contractions only get stronger and stronger. The next one's going to be stronger than the last one. It hurts your whole abdomen.
So, everything contracts.
Everything contracts, so it's not one single spot, like it is hurting here, like it's everything. So, sometimes during a contraction I couldn't be, I couldn't stand up. It was just too much. I had to sit down, although I tried to be...
As active as possible. So, you're spending a lot of time on a ball, moving around, walking, hands on the bed trying to sort of shake to side to side, you didn't want to lie down and be stationary, which isn't good because it prevents the baby from using gravity to put pressure on your cervix in order to stretch it out and dilate it, right? And so, I guess we should mention. So, we were in room 4, we had one a new midwife by that point because shifts had changed, she disappeared for most of her shift, but then come back and then she'd given us to another midwife, after you'd become induced because we had to shift rooms again now that you'd been induced to room eight.
Yes.
So, we moved to the other end of the floor to room eight.
Yes.
And we had a new midwife. I think a name was Sarah. I'd forgotten. There were some many different midwives.
So many.
But she was really good and she was sort of trying to monitor your induction and increase the amount, right? I remember they got it up to 72 millilitres per hour and then she was saying it was causing the contractions to be too close together.
Yeah, and too long.
And you weren't getting enough break between, you're getting like 30 seconds between each one.
And that was...I felt so good because she was like oh your contractions are lasting too long and they are way too intense like they get coming faster. And I was like wow I can manage that. I can do that. Like if those contractions are way too long and fast for me, she'll reduce the oxytocin and then I'll feel alright. You know, it will be fine, that's what she did, actually.
So, she ended up taking it down to 48 from 72 and you sat there for a few hours I think, didn't you? By this point it was probably getting close to the evening, Saturday evening, right?
And I was meant to get...
They were meant to check your cervix dilation.
Around 6, was it?
I think it was meant to be at like 7, 8 pm. So, they had someone come in and check your cervix dilation to see how far along you were in your labour and that was when they were like yeah you're two centimetres dilated.
So, I was 1:00 in the afternoon. When they do the first check before induction started and by seven or eight whatever, after all those hours of oxytocin and bouncing and you know standing up,.
So much work.
I was two centimetres dilated and that was hard. Like the whole thing about just trust your body, your body knows what to do and all the exercises and things I did and all the walking for you to be in great pain. It was manageable, but it was painful.
You'd spent by that point, I think, when you found out you were two centimetres dilated you'd spent about twelve hours or maybe eight to 12 hours being induced, so which meant you'd had a contraction every two to three minutes for the last eight hours. So, what's that? Like 20 to 30 an hour at times eight. You know, so hundreds of contractions 200-300 contractions.
And no progression.
And no significant progression. So, they were like... That's when they started talking to us about our options, right? So, up until then it was expected that you'd just get induced and have a natural birth, there was no reason to expect differently, but because that had delayed significantly they were worried about how tired you would be and how tired and stressed the baby might be.
And it was really, really good because through the whole thing Noah was fine, the the midwives would come in and say he's such a happy baby.
So, how are they monitoring that? Do you want to describe that?
They had two ultrasound devices that kind of look like, you know, the size of an iPhone, but circular and they were strapped onto your stomach one up high, to get your heart beat, your pulse rate.
I forgot about that.
And then one down lower to get his heart rate and the one up top as well I think measured pressure exerted on it, so that it can tell when you are having a contraction and so you could watch the number on the screen you could see his heart rate, your heart rate and you could see the pressure for contraction. So, anytime that would increase and consistently increase you knew that you were going to have a contraction. So, that's how the midwives. They can keep a hand on your stomach to monitor it, but they can also watch the screen to know whether or not you're going into a contraction.
Exactly. And they can see if baby is, baby heart rate is dropping or if it's like... they can monitor the whole thing. So, baby was fine like through the whole thing some babies get stressed or you know go through some sort of suffering, but he was good, through the whole thing. So, that that kept me positive because...
He was fine. There was no stress.
As long as he's fine I can keep trying new things to see if the contractions pick up and we'll be alright.
So, we got to that point where you were two centimetres dilated after eight hours and they started talking about options. They were like we can give you some pain relief so that you can get some rest and keep having these contractions and then in a few hours we'll check again to see how far along you are, but if you haven't gotten any further along what were the options like giving you?
So, initially she also mentioned the gas, I had to try the gas, I had the option to try.
So that's the first pain relief, it is the just nitrous oxide, which is what dentists used to, laughing gas, to just relax you a bit.
Didn't do anything for me. It was in the lowest sort of....
Setting. You said it was a distraction.
It was just a distraction. So, you have to breathe, use it in a certain way.
You have to inhale through your mouth and exhale outside your mouth.
That was a bit complicated at the time, so I was like ok I'm distracted, I need to work this thing out, but it didn't take away the pain. And then there was the medication I could get.
You got an injection in the bum, right? What was it called? I need to look it up quickly because I want to get it right. So, labour... Let me look it up quickly, but you got this injection and what did it feel like?
It wasn't painful, it made me really sleepy. It was funny because I was trying to concentrate on what you guys were talking about and...
Pethidine. Yeah, so the injection was Pethidine, which is just pain relief. So, they offered you that and the good thing was that it relaxes Noah as well.
Mm hmm. I was sleepy for a few hours just really.
You were pretty doped up, it was funny, at first you were like I don't feel anything and then afterwards you looked just like someone had woken you up after you've had a really good sleep. So, you were lying in bed just tired.
I was trying so hard to keep up, talk to you and just be like, nothing is happening, but I don't know from your point of view I must have looked really weird.
It was fine, you just looked tired and obviously it relaxed you, right? So, you were just...
And I could finally lie down.
Yeah. So, you got up on the bed. You'd been walking around, you'd been on the ball and it was time to sort of just lie down and relax and let your body have a go at doing it itself. So, you did that for a few hours, and then. the doctor came in. So we had I think a Sri Lankan or Indian guy come in.
He looked Indian, but I'm not sure.
And he checked you and was like she's still two centimetres dilated and we were just like...fuck. After all this time.
I was so sure I would be at least like six.
Yeah.
Because, you know, you're just... Your body just goes through so much and you feel the changes and you feel the pain is increasing and you feel the pressure, but when he said she's still two centimetres dilated I just lost it like...
That was really disappointing. It's so hard too because you'd been working so hard, you'd been standing there for the better part of twelve hours, you know, going through so much pain and for it to have not really led to a significant change in your cervix dilation, that was really frustrating. That was a blow. I think psychologically and emotionally that was too when he started saying what were your options after that. He was like...
So, he wanted to give it another three hours and increase the oxytocin to quite a high sort of level.
So, this is where they cranked it up to one hundred ninety two, I think which is one of the highest ones.
Yeah, and see if I could progress or the other option would be a cesarean.
Well, you had the epidural option first. Yeah. Yeah.
That wasn't suggested by the doctor, the midwives. They came in when he left and they were like let's talk it through because I didn't want...I was so distressed at this time that I was about to say let's just do a cesarean. I was just so distressed, but they came in, the midwife that was taking care of me and one of the other ones.
Well, I guess his thoughts were this isn't going to progress on its own so we're probably going to have to think about a caesarean. And so you have to get an epidural if you want a caesarean anyway and so that was where the debate came about. Do we get the epidural now and just let like really crank up the oxytocin to a level that would be potentially too painful to handle without an epidural, so that you could do as much as you could on the epidural and have the best shot possible before going in for a caesar like worst case scenario or it was he was just saying yeah crank up the the oxytocin say how you go and then we'll give you an epidural if you don't want one now only if you're going to go in for Caesar. And, so the midwives were like... And went out and had a little secret woman's meeting and the manager came in and was like just get an epidural now, see because it can relax your body, we can crank this up and you might dilate a heap.
They were really positive about it.
Because they really wanted you to succeed, they were like we want you to have this baby on our shift, we want it to be out by the the morning when we change over, right?
It was really good. I'll never forget them because they were like they didn't want to scare me and be like oh my god you should take an epidural. You don't want to have a caesar and they were like well, let's try first. Like, don't know lose your hope, you're doing so well.
You can have this natural birth, you I can do this. And I think the other thing for me like I remember asking you "what do you think?" Because you knew how significant, how stronger I was about an epidural.
Well, I think I changed because I also didn't want to have to have an epidural, which is where they inject fentanyl, which is a half a hundred times more potent than heroin into your spinal cord or around your spinal cord in order to paralyze or at least get rid of the pain from the bottom half of your body. So, it's a significant thing and they have to get an anaesthetist to come in and do that. And it's very serious. So, I was freaking out a bit because two I was in a position where I could see they had ramped up the oxytocin, so that you were about one hundred and forty four by that point and you were shaking, every time you were having a contraction you were at the point of wanting to pass out or you were in a lot of pain, which was really hard to deal with and hard to watch and at that point... So, I had to sort of take into account ok, how much pain and distress do I want to put you through or at least suggest you go through and how much do I want to avoid the epidural and the thought of a caesarean? And the midwives at that point were just like this is the best option and it was such a good choice when you actually had the epidural like, as much as before we went through the process, we were very oh we can avoid it, it is so important that it's an option.
Because what happened you when you said yes you are absolutely right is so important that it is an option because in my case it made life so much a only I couldn't have.
There was what actually made me go through let's say natural labour. Although I was induced and there were other things, but I just don't know how where I would have gone from there without an epidural, but I was going to say like looking at you and asking "do you think I should do that?" I think it was me giving myself approval like, I always knew you wouldn't suggest me to like oh you should do this because you've been so strong about it the whole time, like you would definitely encourage me to do what was the best for the baby and for myself. So, I think at that point I was like if he would never make me go through something that he doesn't think it's the best. So, it's like ok I'll do it, I'll do it, and I didn't think about the needle, I didn't think about...
Well, at that point you'd gone through so much, you're in so much pain and you're so worried about the baby that the freaking out about having the thing going to your back and everything. It's just all done.
It didn't hurt.
Right. So, before that, once you said yes the women went out called the anaesthetist up, he's in the hospital working wherever he needs to be because he's taking care of a lot of different things, and he was only 10 minutes away, right? So, he came over and geared up, so he had to organize all of the equipment and everything to give you the epidural. I couldn't go to one side of the room.
He was very serious about it, he was very...He explained to me that the risks so you might get a headache, you might get nausea, which I did and vomited. That's what you're going to feel like, you'll feel pain is gone from now on, but you're not going to be able to be mobile, like can't go for a walk.
The weird thing is you can move your legs, but you can't really feel anything, right? You're not paralyzed, the pain is gone and the feelings. Yep.
Some people say they couldn't feel their legs or something. I could definitely feel my legs, but just not... She would put like an ice pack...
They test your pain response by putting an ice pack on you leg in different positions.
He effectively set it up, puts a needle in and he gives you an you a local anaesthetic first and that was probably the most painful part, right? He get you to bend over, feels like a scratch.
Yes, feels like a scratch.
Then you can't feel anything. Then he uses a much larger needle to insert a plastic tube, a very thin plastic tube, into your spine that releases the fentanyl on a regular basis and you can do it every 15 minutes.
And I control it. They also gave me a like remote remote control.
Yeah, exactly. You control how often it goes in. So, if you're happy where you are, you don't have to press it.
Exactly, but they suggest you do it like one every hour like you bump it up a little.
Yeah and maximum one every 15 minutes. So, they do that they pull the needle out of your back and you end up with just a tube sitting in there, it's taped in place so that you can lie back down on the bed, you know, do your thing, you don't have a needle in your back to worry about.
And the you say catheter?
The catheter had to be inserted too.
Because I couldn't go to the bathroom, so I'd pee in this little bag.
How did that feel? What was it like getting the catheter.
Weird. I don't know. I didn't feel like I need to go to a bathroom, but I would see like... fluid coming out. I was like that's weird.
So, with that they insert a small tube into your urethra in your vagina that goes up into your bladder, a little bowl on the end of that tube I think inflates to old it in place. And it takes the liquid out of your bladder.
It's crazy how much... Like there are so many hands on you when you're being like... It's just so weird, the whole thing is really weird.
I think by the time you had the epidural that was how much it kind of really sunk in just how much you'd gone through because you had a needle in each arm, you were taking two different liquids in intravenously, three different ones because you also had the epidural in you, you had the catheter in you, you had the monitors on your stomach, the two different monitors there, you had the blood pressure thing on your arm. So, you're out you're in good care and was good, but at the same time I think that was when really, you know, the penny dropped and I realized you know Jesus Christ Kel is really strong. I'm so proud of you. The amount of effort you're going through, you know, to have this baby in a safe way. So, you got the epidural and we got to sleep for a good six hours, right?
Yeah I was so glad you could finally sleep because I think before, and not just you, like everyone could relax a little bit. I could relax a little bit because we were like you would look at me, I was shaking, I was in so much pain, I would look to the midwives like Is it progressing? How are the contractions going? They can see like the chart.
So, the machine that that it's hooked up that prints out a paper that it's kind of like what you would see with an earthquake. The graphics drawn on that so that you know when the contractions come and how often.
Everyone was a bit tense and after the epidural could all relax a little bit. And I don't think I slept.
I slept for three hours. I think I woke up and they had checked you again. And they said you're at six centimetres.
It was so good.
How did that feel when they came in and did that?
I mean, the examination itself was painful. I mean, don't don't get me wrong, he ,was really really good to us, but as a male doctor he has more physical strength than the midwives.
Definitely a weird process to seeing one; seeing different women put their hands into your wife's vagina, but then seeing a man walk into the room and do it as well, it's just a very, very strange situation. Again, the guy did an amazing job. And women, guys, listening you should feel comfortable because they're 100 percent professional.
Absolutely.
But it was just a very surreal kind of experience. You know, the amount of prodding and pushing and prodding that you'd had, the needles that you'd been injected with, the hands that have been put inside you. It was incredibly full on.
Then he checked me and he was like six centimetres dilated. I was so happy.
Because they told you then I think, alright, we'll give it another three hours. At this point I think it's 3:00 a.m. in the morning. And they said we'll give you another three hours and see where you're at then before we think about a cesarean or anything. And so he buggered off, I went back to sleep. I don't know what you did.
And the other thing he also mentioned that was really positive. So, when baby is descending there's some sort of measurement they do like, minus one, two.
They have a scale minus three,, minus two minus one, 0 1, 2, 3.
So, baby was minus 1.
And if it's a three it's completely ready to come out, like its head is engaged and you can see it and it's coming out at positive 3.
So, it was minus one and it was great because I knew he was moving, like things were progressing. I had a chance, like before you know I got an epidural was like ok I might not end up having the baby the way I wanted to have him, to bring him to this world, but it was it was great. It was such a relief. And you went to bed, you went to sleep.
I had a fold up bed on the floor. So, I was sleeping on that and the midwives were hanging out with you. You were just lying on the bed resting as well.
Trying to rest. They were checking me all the time.
They came back three hours later at 6 a.m. and you were 10 centimetres dilated.
Fully dilated. Although that's the other thing I was fully dilated but baby was posterior.
So, he was facing the wrong way.
He was facing the wrong way, which would make labour, natural labour really, really hard.
So, posterior is where his back his face is lined up with your back, but his head is facing down, so his head is literally in your vagina, effectively, like pressed right up against the cervix, ready to come out of your vagina and his legs were effectively pointing towards someone looking at you forward like if someone was staring eye to eye with you, he's upside down with his head in your vagina and his legs pointing towards the person and the way around you want them is?
Is with his back facing my belly, the other way.
So, his leg are pointing towards your spine, through you.
So, then the doctor had to do another examination and try to rotate him a little bit. I also had what they called peanut ball, like the shape of a peanut.
This is like a bouncing ball that you can kind of sit on, but it's in the shape of like two bowls connected like a peanut, like the nut, instead of a single bowl. And so you could put this between your legs to keep your legs open and your cervix, so your hips opened up, right?
And see if baby would just move and you know get into the right position, which he did. And then we were fully dilated and ready to go and the pressure was feeling down there... was just ridiculous.
You finally felt that natural urge to push.
I was worried before, although the guy, what do you call him?
Anaesthetist. I know, it's hard for me.
He told me don't worry about not feeling the urge to push you because you'll feel everything. You're going to feel pain, but this sensation, the pressure.
You still feel the urge to push, even with the epidural.
Exactly. So, that was good and definitely happened, like I felt so much pressure down there.
I can't imagine.
Oh, it was just like, it's so weird because you know you don't have to poo, but it feels like you do. I know it's gross, too much information, but it was like "guys I need to fart, I'm sorry, and if I end up doing something else, don't mind me. Heads up to everyone". Everyone was in good spirits like we were happy and encouraging and I had one hour to push.
Yeah. So, they normally give you one hour of pushing, but because again you get tired, but then there's also a lot of stress on that on the baby. So, if the baby's engaged his head's in the cervix and the uterus, you know, is pushing him out through your vagina there's a lot of pressure going on his skull. And so the baby's blood pressure can drop and he can be in a lot of trouble. So, they give you an hour to do that. So at 6:00 they said ok let's stop pushing, we'll give it an hour and then after that we can talk about what our options are depending on how through he's come.
So, you pushed for an hour and it seemed like five minutes, it seemed like it had gone so fast.
What do you mean?
Well, you were pushing. You were having three contractions every 10 minutes. For every contraction you were pushing three times, you would really take a deep breath, push your chin into your chest and you would try and push him down and it just wasn't getting anywhere, right? But you did that for an hour and it felt like it was five minutes for me. When he came in in the end and said, was checking you to see how far the baby come out, and the baby was getting there I think was definitely in the positives by then I think positive one but had just not made it all the way out. I was like what? It's already been an hour? You haven't given her long enough.
But you were getting tired by that point. You were wrecked.
At this point I completely lost like the...what do you say? When you don't know what time it is, when you''re just like, I was just lost, I didn't know how long I was pushing for. I didn't know who else was in the room. I could hear you I could see the ladies, I could feel the hands.
You were just concentrating on what you were doing. I don't think I've ever been more proud of you than when you're doing that. That was insane to see just how hard you were working in order to do that. How much pain you in, how much you wanted to give up. The few times you were like I want to go home, like I don't want to be here. I want to stop and then I would say, you know, you have to keep going and then you would keep going. It made me so proud of you, but, so you pushed for an hour the obstetrician, the doctor, he came back in and checked you, what did he say?
Well, I don't really know what he said, but I heard the midwife was telling him in a very subtle and nice way that things were not progressing as they wanted, they were progressing very slowly, but baby was you know getting his head smashed like crushed and being so under stress, and I was getting exhausted, I was shaking again.
What were your options from then on? So, you could ultimately the last option is was having a cesarean, which at that point too, how did you feel about having one?
I don't want to sound like oh I was in so much pain that I just wanted the baby out because I wasn't... It wasn't the pain itself. Like, I was in pain. The epidural was wearing off because I didn't push the thing.
Whilst I you were pushing.
I was just so overwhelmed and I didn't, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe after everything we've done, I had been through, things were not getting right. They were not getting anywhere.
The amount of effort you put in, I was blown away just how much effort you put in and how we hadn't progressed the full way.
It's ridiculous.
So, women out there listening to this. If you had an easy natural birth, you know, far out...There are so many other ways that it can be more prolonged and more difficult.
It's so hard because I imagine in a different situation when you are faced with decisions, like you have to make a decision about this, but you're not, you might not be in pain or you might just have a better mindset, but we were all very tired and stressed.
Well, the whole time too I was trying to remind you that what was important wasn't the method in which the baby is born, but the fact that he was born as safe as possible method and we didn't just rush towards having a caesarean, but that that was there as a tool to make sure that he was delivered as safely as possible if we needed it, and so there were a few times where I almost broke down because you were apologizing to me in the middle of all of this. So, I wanted to cry because I was like you were doing so well. Every single decision you had made up to that point had been the exact right decision under the situation, under the circumstances that you were, that you had done such an amazing fucking job. And then you're apologizing like it was really hard.
It was just so hard because people like, you see everyone around you encouraging you and saying you're doing things well and somehow I knew I baby wasn't moving down, I knew because I don't know, it's just it's a really overwhelming feeling that you can't cope anymore. Like I was just so... the pressure was immense.
And that's why I was trying to, I guess, get the message across to you the whole time that this is that's not your fault. Your body is what it is and the situation is what it is, but that isn't for you to... you know, you didn't do enough preparation or you didn't try hard enough, it was nothing like that. It was just the situation w how it is and we have to deal with it.
It's just hard to reason, to think about it like in the right way when you're in the moment, like it's hard to understand and you just feel like what's wrong with me? What have I done?
I think too when you planned out this is the perfect birth that I want to have. You have a birth plan and you're like, ok I'll do this, and this, and this, so you're assuming the whole time best case scenario and you kind of ignore what all of the things that could go wrong or not ideally go to plan could be, but anyway. So, we got to the point where you were fully dilated, you'd been pushing for an hour. The obstetrician came back in to check you. He hadn't... You could see his head, I think one of the nurses had opened you up a little bit with her hand, so that I could see his head and see that his hair was brunette, which was cute.
She was sort of whirling it around in her fingers like look, Pete, look and I'm like oh my Gosh, I going to pass out, and so by that point the obstetrician came back in and was like you're going to need assistance or you can do this naturally, but we're going to have to use the clamps. What are they called? Are they called the clamps?
The forceps.
The forceps, sorry, the forceps on the head and you're going to have to have an episiotomy, and so at that point...
The only thing I heard at this point was forceps.
Yeah.
That was the only thing.
But I think the problem here too it was all happening so fast. So I was sitting there trying to calm you down and encourage you to accept this decision has been the best for him because the moment you heard forceps you freaked. Because I think, as all women do, at least from what I've seen in the documentaries in a lot of these births, everyone seems to have a very bad, negative opinion of forceps, which I can't understand because obviously I'm not the person pregnant with the baby inside of me and have to worry about that, but if the doctor said this is the best option for just directing the baby's head, so that we can get that out and then deliver him quickly and naturally I was like Kel we need to use the forceps.
It's funny because I understand the use of it, but then you think about it, you see the instrument and you think that's going inside me to push my baby out, or at least guide my baby out, I was like, oh my God you're going to hurt him, like don't, don't do it.
I think you forget though, and I'm sure, I wouldn't imagine to put words in his mouth, the doctor, but I would imagine he would say something like the baby can handle it, you know? And it's not as forceful as you would imagine, but it did look weird when he was holding up this large metal instrument that looks like scissor kind of things, right? And we're covered in this white lubricant for him to then insert inside of you, put them around the side of the baby's head, clamp down, and then as you push, which is the big part of it, so you're still pushing, you're still trying to push him out, and he's guiding the head to get the head through your vagina, so that then the rest of the body will come, but he had to give you an episiotomy as well, and you want to describe what that was and what that was like?
In terms of feeling the cut, feeling pain...
What is it though first?
It's just like a...
Incision.
Incision between your vaginal, your vagina and your...
You vaginal opening and your anus.
It doesn't... I don't think, at least I didn't see it, I couldn't. There was no way I was gonna watch that, but I have a feeling that it's not the entire way.
No,no, no.
It's just enough to loosen up the opening of the vagina.
It's not the entire way, not at all.
So that the head would come out.
It would be a four degree tear if you were not using any sort of instruments.
And by that point I was like if this is just going to get the baby out and you're going to get a handful of stitches and be uncomfortable for a few days, let's do it and let's just get this done because it's going to be the best thing for the baby.
I didn't feel anything, he did what he did and I didn't feel anything.
He was razor quick, so he gave you that, inserted the forceps.
I felt the forceps.
Yeah, of course.
Because applied like pressure downwards. Like really trying to guide the baby. That was... That was brutal. Like, again not in terms of pain, but you have this picture in your mind, this person is doing this to me right there.
Well, I can imagine your view is directly down the barrel.
It was a bit full on, but the only thing I can remember and I remember the feeling it was just like don't hurt my baby, don't push him too hard. Like, whatever you're doing, don't cut him, don't do anything.
Your instincts were pretty sharp.
It was crazy, it was crazy.
So, but that happened so quickly, so he gave you the episiotomy, I didn't even see when he'd done that, I think it must've been so fast, inserted the forceps, put them on the head, you pushed and the baby came out.
And I don't know, I can't remember at which point I had to lie down because I was going to faint, so I was sitting there with Kel...
I looked to my side and I saw your legs, I was like...
I could feel myself going, so I could feel that feeling in my head of just my vision was going black and white, my ears were starting to ring a little bit, I knew I was going to faint so I just lay down on the ground and just said just keep going, but I'm not ok.
I felt like I was going to faint as well, I just couldn't. I just couldn't faint , like I mean I had to be... There is some sort of strength that comes out of you when you're in this situation. I would just want to get out of there, but I could feel, I knew we were feeling sick because I could feel your hand, you're still holding my hand, but your hand was really cold I was like sit down, later I remember saying that, I just are you ok? and baby came out.
I only needed a few minutes, and I think I managed to get up again and film, I filmed the rest of it at the end when he pulled the baby out, so I managed to get that on video, so he pulled the baby out, they put it on your chest.
And that's the most, that's the most surreal thing I've ever gone through in my whole life. Having this baby on my chest.
After it had I was just being pulled out of you.
It was absolutely... There's no way I can explain this feeling. I looked to him I knew he was one; It was so full on because it was my baby, it was finally out and things, you know, I'm done, but at the same time he wasn't ok. I looked at him and he wasn't crying or he wasn't... he was just not responsive.
So, he wasn't make any noise. He had the cord around his neck and you didn't want to let go. So, the midwife was like Kel let go, let go, we need to unwrap the cord and you were like no, no, no, no.
I wanted to get him closer, liked to put him like closer to my face.
But by pulling him you're thightening the cord around his neck.
Yes.
So, she had to end up taking him away, unwrap the cord, he was making a little bit of noise, but not much. They had to then cut the cord and take the baby away to have him cleaned and quickly give him a smack on the back to start breathing. And you were not pleased with that at all, which I can imagine instincts wise.
And that's again, like I don't... I don't know where it came from. I can't reason like, I think I look back and I'm like wow I can't understand exactly what I was doing, but I just... You see someone taking your baby away that was clearly not ok and I couldn't do anything I was, you know, there bleeding and someone was putting stitches in me.
I think out of everything that was the most, if anything of it, was traumatizing for both you and I. I think that was the part you having the baby taken from you was like a shock, you calmed down really quickly and you got the baby back within 30 seconds to a minute, because they just had to clean him up, check him, the baby doctor had to check him and give him back to you.
He cried, which was...
He was fine.
But you seeing the baby being taken from you and me seeing you cry out. You know, don't take my baby, don't take my baby, out of everything that we went for those three days that was I think one of the things that will never leave my mind.
It was... It was not... I don't know. I got really... It was funny because after everything I think because of all of the drugs and things I was taking I was really foggy. I couldn't concentrate much, but this exact moment was in my mind.
You were razor sharp, huh?
And I was really emotional about it. Like when you left, you came home to have a shower and take a rest, the midwives would come and talk to me. One of them even apologized. She was like I'm sorry, I didn't want to take you baby, and I knew she wasn't going to do anything, but I was so sensitive about it.
It was an instinctual reaction.
Yeah.
I think that's, you know, the important thing is to note, you know, that that's the case and you can have these moments, these circumstances and situations where you undergo these things, but it's how you look at them later.
Yeah, definitely, I had an amazing team around me, like the hospital they were so affectionate and so nice. I had my amazing husband like I'm always telling you, if you weren't there like I would have giving up, like from very, very early stage because the pain was immense and I think what put me through it was like everything you were doing like, you were being so positive and being so... Don't worry about me, I'm not hungry, I'm fine. Like let's go watch a movie, let's...
You kept telling me to go home and I'm like no, baby could come at any moment I don't want to take a chance of being away for an hour or two and missing it or you being in trouble. So, I can deal with not eating for, you know, a few hours I'll be fine.
Women who do that without a partner or support like...how?
Guys listening and women listening, if you can do whatever you can to obviously be together as a team.
Absolutely.
It's very important.
And, so,, anyway, finishing it up I guess is that part. You had the baby it about was it 7h50 or something am. I think it was just before 8:00 on Sunday.
Yeah.
And, so what was it like after then? What happened after then? What way did the story continue? So, you obviously got stitched up by the obstetrician, you were given a suppository. He gave you paracetamol anally, which surprised me I'd never seen it, he had these really large pills in his hand and he wanted to give you some painkillers for your episiotomy, but he had to put them in your bum.
Ok.
And I don't even think you noticed, obviously.
No, no. I didn't. You told me that.
And again he did it so quick. He was just like, because he told you. He said I'm going to do this.
The placenta as well. I think you asked, so has she given birth to the placenta? They were like yeah.
The placenta comes out afterwards, after the baby.
I thought it would be a whole new process.
I was waiting for you to be told to do that because you were holding the baby and lying in bed and I was like,is she going to be told to deliver the placenta? And they were like it's already out. And then they crank up the oxytocin which again surprised me because I would looked across at the machine and I was like why is she getting like two hundred and fifty millilitres now of oxytocin. And they do that in order to cause your uterus to contract back down and you stop the bleeding. So, you'd lost a little bit of blood. I think you ended up losing four hundred millilitres.
Exactly.
So, almost half later. Just that through birth, so everything went well on that end.
It was finished, the baby was with me.
Getting measured, getting cleaned up.
Feeding.
Injections as well. He got his vaccination shots.
Two shots, I felt so sorry, poor thing.
He did really well, though. He only cried a little bit and then was fine and went back to breastfeeding. What was breastfeeding for the first time like and the process, what happened?
So, initially she said are you ok?. Let's try to feed him. Do you want to try to feed him? Are you OK with that. I was like yes sure. She put him on my chest and. like he kind of I kind of had to let him guide himself.
That's the weird thing, right? When we were at the prenatal classes they were showing us videos of babies who have just been born before they've breastfed for the first time and they've been placed on their mothers stomachs and the babies actually know where to go and can like struggle they weigh up the woman's torso using their head and their shoulders and arms to get to one of the breasts and then they can stop feeding themselves. They can work it out all themselves, so you can just lie there and they can work it out. Obviously, we didn't do that, though. Well, we guided him into the relative position, right?
Yeah. I think after everything she didn't want to, you know, he was a bit tired as well, so he guided himself, but we helped. He was feeding fine, eating.
That was one thing that I was really proud of you for and happy that, you know, happy for you for happening because it was so easy for you to starat breastfeeding often I hear stories about how difficult that is to establish and a good thing for us to, which expecting moms might want to try, when you were waiting to go into labour because your waters had broken we tried expressing some milk a few times so using a milk pump to take some colostrum out of your breasts to try and amplify the oxytocin levels in the body and cause you to go into labour, we kept the colostrum that you were taking out of your body and we put it in the freezer and so as a result of that not only did we have a backup of colostrum here at home that we've been feeding him every now and then when you've needed a break, but you've encouraged your breasts to start producing more colostrum, so when you were in the hospital you were producing a heap and the midwives were really impressed.
They're like wow you're do so well. See he's already eating. That's so good! Like your milk come very soon and I think what? Two days after, today and he's fine and I can definitely say I have, milk is coming. It takes a few days after you give birth. You initially give colostrum as you said, but I think milk comes after two or three days and I'm already feeling A bit heavier.
You're doing very well. You're doing very well. So, I guess, to finish the story up after the birth I think I hung around on Sunday until maybe lunchtime and then went home to just get some sleep. Yeah I came home, I was home by about one. I slept for six hours, which was good. I got up again at six came in and saw you for a bit, I think for an hour, and then came home again. It was funny cause my mom and dad wanted to, mum wanted to come with us, she was meant to be there at the birth with us, but she's been sick with the virus as has my dad and my sister and my niece, her daughter and her partner.
So, none of them have been able to visit you and mom couldn't come to the birth, so I was talking to Mom through the glass doors at our house because she came out to visit. She came over to visit and she was there, she's like I'll talk to you through the doors. How are you going? Blah blah blah. So, I went back, saw you. You were staying the night in a different room again. So, you'd been moved on to the 6th floor now.
Yes, I was sharing this room with another lady who had just given birth.
She'd had a cesarean.
She had a little girl and yeah just there with baby spend the night trying to establish breastfeeding and to calm myself down a little bit I was really shaky and midwives have come in and ask if I was ok and I would cry and just be like really sensitive about the whole thing, but yeah it was it was good to be finally done with it and just wait to come back home, which you did yesterday.
Exactly. So, we I came in the next day, which would've been yesterday, Monday. We got ready and left pretty early. So, fortunately you just had to stay the night to I think mainly monitor you, right? To make sure I didn't have a blood loss and you had the catheters still, so they had to monitor that for 12 hours afterwards to make sure that you could pee properly because of the epidural and because of the episiotomy and and the birth, obviously.
So, there's so much happening to your body. So, we got back yesterday and have been hanging out at the house together watching Breaking Bad and just taking care of the baby.
Feeding this one.
He seems to be really good during the day, but last night it was pretty brutal.
Yeah. Although, it wasn't as bad as I was expecting because at around 3 a.m. I decided to leave the room, so I could give you some proper rest because I keep standing up and getting him and he cries I know it's not very far, but you can at least try to sleep. And I came out with him to the lounge room and I fed him and he slept for like two hours and a half, three hours and I could get up some rest as well.
The little things, the little things. So, that was really good, but it was funny, what was it like putting him down for the first time? Because you get paranoid you're like... If I put him down on the cot, I'm not watching him, he's going roll over onto his front and suffocate or something.
So, it is weird. You're just alert constantly, like I don't know. And I wake up very...with his breathing in a different way and i'm like oh my God!
I kept having that too where I was listening to his breathing and every time, Because it's so erratic, and so it's just so random, he'll be like...
Oh yeah, that's horrible.
And, so you just sitting there like what the hell are you doing dude? Are you ok?. Can you breathe? So, I couldn't get to sleep because I was constantly listening to that.
Yeah, but he's doing alright. Like, I think today his behaviour is very different from like what I was expecting. He's been asleep for, you know, the whole day. I fed him twice.
I was really impressed. I was expecting him to be crying uncontrollably because of X Y Z. You know, he's got gas, he's got, he wants to burp or he's hungry, but he's been fine. He cries if you put him down and he gets I think a little bit cold, but other than that as soon as you pick him up he stops crying. So, and he's been here for this entire interview as close to your microphone as you are. Like the microphones on Kel blouse here and it's like the same distance from her mouth to his mouth. So, he's been incredible quiet. He's a rad little guy.
He's really strong.
He's done so well. Oh, I should mention too forceps wise he got a black eye. Sort of, he got like a little bruise on the side of his skull but to be honest the disappeared within the first day.
Yeah, it's almost gone.
He's got a bit of swelling, but it's pretty much gone and to finish up the episode because we're probably on to about an hour now, more than an hour. What would you say to people listening to this after you've now successfully had a natural birth with the first child? What would you say to other women listening or even to yourself, you know, a week ago prior to going into, going through this process, what would your advice be?
I would say just be open to options like you have options you have pain relief, you have i instruments that can help you deliver your baby, just be open to read as much as you can about those things because as much as we try and to avoid the the negative stories, it is important to really know what is behind those things. I mean, why do we have a forceps? Why do you need an episiotomy? Because for me the hardest thing was to give myself permission you're not going to have the perfect, like let's say the dream birth you always wanted, but it's still a really, really positive experience and I struggled with that a little bit.
I think the biggest thing from my point of view watching you go through this was to move your thinking away from having the perfect birth in your mind for you and having the perfect birth for him. And so those tools are all there to help you have the perfect birth for him. It may not be what you wanted to begin with, but if you change your thinking and think what's best for the baby and how can I have the most pleasurable birth for the baby, that's what matters.
And accept that things change and you may end up, you know, having to do something you didn't imagine you would have to do and yet it's ok, in the end you'll have your baby with you and that's the most important thing, I guess, just you can't control everything. That's the biggest lesson, there are so many things you can't control and trying to control those things only is only going to make you anxious and nervous and make the whole thing which is already full on much, much worse.
Yeah, and I think that guys listening just as well try and be as involved as possible and try and learn about these things. Try and watch documentaries, watch YouTube videos, see what other dads do, listen to podcasts. Just try and educate yourself as much as possible so too you understand what's happening, when it's happening and how you can help with those things.
Absolutely, I can't imagine going through this without you.
Don't go into it blind. Yeah. Whether you're a woman or a man, don't go into it with no education on any of it and support your partner. What do you think now? Was it worth it?
Absolutely. He's adorable.
How do you think you're going to go as a mom? You were sort of very worried before I think too about being a good mom and I was trying to say to you the fact that you're worried about whether or not you're being a good mom is a sign you're going to be an amazing mom.
Just need to give, I don't know, yesterday was a bit upset because I was thinking, oh he's not sleeping, things are not going well, but he's only two days old and I have to lower my expectations as well.
Exactly. We're going to learn this together, give me a fist bump. Good job! Thanks for listening, guys. I hope you got a lot out of it and you know I learnt a lot of vocab and expressions related to this. Hope the story helps and for any of you guys who are about to go through this process in the near future we wish you all the best. We hope it goes well.
Bye!
See you, guys.