Kelly, Kelly, Kelly! What's going on?
Not much!
Alright. Welcome to the Aussie English podcast, guys! So, today I wanted to get Kel on here so, that we could talk about what you're up to with your pregnancy because it is about to be finished!
Well 37 weeks and six days today, but who knows what's going to happen? I mean, he's going to be born.
Yeah I think, I know.
But we don't know when because there's the thing with the due date is it depends on the person like some babies come earlier. Some babies come a bit later and we don't know.
So, if you had to put your life on the line, if you had to bet your life when he's going to arrive, when do you think it's going to be?
I think he'll come around 40 weeks.
Yeah.
I don't. Maybe because I might be frustrated with what happened this weekend, like we were so excited and I had some symptoms and I thought oh yeah, things are happening, but then...
Nothing has happened.
But then it is just fine now and I'm like oh, whatever.
Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? Because it's you're in that zone now where at any point in time you can just bam! It's happening right now.
Yeah, I was thinking about it like it's funny cause in nine months you always have something to look forward to. Like the baby is moving now.
You mean the change that are happening.
Yeah, like now you're showing. You know, everyone can tell you're pregnant now but at this stage you're just like waiting for the baby to come and it feels like it's taking forever. But I don't know. Yeah it's a weird feeling.
And you've gone up and down, right? With how you felt physically because...do you want to describe the journey? So, what was the first trimester like.
Hell.
Hell, why?
Because I was sick pretty much 24 hours a day. I couldn't eat much. I think I lost three or like two kilos. The only thing I could eat was like chicken soup and it was really, I mean I can't really complain because my pregnancy has been really fine, but I was just feeling crap and people could see it. I remember some of your parents friends, we bumped into them one day on the street and they were like are you ok? Because I was just so pale and like really sick, but after that I felt great!
For the second time.
Yeah I was going to Melbourne like three times a week just like I'm going to hang out with my friends and doing things, cleaning the house and felt really, really good and then when the belly started like, when it became heavy I just felt crap again.
So, that's when it started to slow you down. Was that in the second trimester or the third trimester?
Third, yeah.
So, that's when it really started to get big and it was really funny because only maybe what? Two weeks ago, three weeks ago the belly really changed suddenly it was kind of like... I remember that like the sides of it you could sort of push it a little bit and you could feel the baby and then pretty quickly everything became rigid like a basketball, like really tight and you were like, you know, it looked like you were bursting, you know.
And it feels like that as well, I feel that you have... You're out of breath and you can't...
You've got no space idea body.
You can't eat much.
That's the weird thing at the moment you're always hungry, but you can't have very big meals because there's no space for it.
Yeah. I think for like three weeks I was struggling to sleep, I had really horrible back pain and and reflux, but now I'm fine again, like every now and then I have heartburn and things, but I'm feeling good.
She was eating those Quick Ease like, what are they called? Like lollies to, i guess change the Ph in the stomach so, that you don't, it doesn't burn as much from the reflux in your oesophagus. You were eating those all night. I'd be lying there in bed it'd be like 1:00 a.m. and I'd hear this.... I'm like Kel's got reflux again.
It's just horrible and I had never experienced reflux or anything so, it was really... One night I thought I was going to throw up and I didn't know what it was happening, but that's gone.
And I guess for people interested in why that happens. Do you remember the reason why that happened?
You know how to explain that better than me.
So, you've got a whole bunch of hormones being released in your body that are there to loosen up your joints and to stretch your muscles so, that your hips, primarily, and your uterus can expand and get ready for delivering the baby without damage happening to your body. And as a result the, what you would call a sphincter around the top of your stomach, that's a muscle designed to close and open is loose. So it's open all the time and so, anytime he puts pressure on your stomach the acid and the food and everything comes up into your oesophagus. I know, I had no idea that it was linked to that. I wasn't expecting reflux to be a significant symptom that you'd would be suffering whilst pregnant.
And because I'm in touch with so many, I mean online not friends, but like other pregnant women it's so common like everyone struggles with that. You're lucky if you don't have to. So, yeah but now I'm fine and I'm just like I want something new. Like, I want the baby to come. But at the same time we know that once he's here it's permanent, it's forever.
It's currently permanent, but yeah.
But I mean, like do I wish my time away? Do I wish to change? Like to rush things up a little bit and have him here like, do I get anxious about it or I try to enjoy, let's say, the free time we still have a little bit so, I don't know I'm kind of like yeah I want him to come., but at the same time everyone's like take some sleep, you know, just take it easy, once he's here your life change completely. So, I don't know.
He is pretty easy to take care of at the moment.
Yeah.
Which is funny, right? Because as soon as he's outside the body he's a total nightmare. You have to feed him. You were saying you might have to feed him 12 times a day.
That's the average.
The average is 12 so could be more. And that's half an hour to breastfeed the new baby every single session. So, it's gonna be up to six hours potentially a day of you just sitting there, fighting with his baby not only get him to feed.
Not considering changing him, cleaning him and taking some rest, you know like. I think the first weeks are really tough and...
I think that's the best way to look at it. To assume they're going to be horrible. Hope that they improve quickly.
And on top of that, he doesn't interact with you.
Yeah.
It's just this baby crying.
Parasite.
And then yeah, I don't know, it's weird.
Yeah, it's going to be surreal I think, at least for me, cause you've had him there the whole time. He's something that you're... You can't escape, you're thinking about constantly. Because he is moving, he's kicking, he's getting your attention, whereas for me I...Every now and then I get to touch your stomach and I feel him and that's my only real connection. So, it's going to be surreal when he's actually here and I can see him, interact with him, have to change his nappies, have to try and soothe them when he's crying. It's going to be an ever present issue that I have to deal with which will be, at the moment I think oh yeah it'll be fine, but I one day it'll be interesting to do a follow up podcast to see how things are.
You'll be like oh my God! We had no idea!
We've tried to set up our lives so, that it's gonna be easy to have kids so, that I'm working from home and you're working from home and hopefully we can trade off time. You know, obviously I think I'm going to have to become a lot more efficient and probably get together a better schedule or at least design a schedule around whatever the baby's schedule is gonna be, but I think it's gonna make life easier.
I don't know. I'm really glad you work from home because most people, you know, the father needs to go to work very soon after the baby's born and the mom's by herself, but I know that, at least the first month let's say, it's very... I think some men feel useless like there's not much you can do with regards to feeding the baby.
That's why they dive into work quite often, right? Because that's our way of contributing, but as a result of doing that you're away from your family most of the time.
And if you don't communicate well you might be like oh he doesn't want anything to do with the baby, whereas in fact he can't, you know, men, you can't breastfeed. You know, what I'm trying to, I was talking to you about it yesterday. Like, don't feel like you're not doing anything, because there's so much you can do, around the house, work and that's fine, but there will be a time when you have to take care of the baby by yourself.
I think the biggest role for me is going to be ensuring that you're comfortable, that you're happy, that you're as relaxed as possible. So, if you need to go to the toilet, you can go to the toilet by yourself, if you need a shower, you can shower by yourself, if you want to go for a walk for half an hour, you can go and do that by yourself and you can at least escape. So, that's my job is going to be more to monitor you, I think, and your job is to monitor the baby.
To keep everyone safe, that's your job, I mean, sane and safe, that's your job.
So, how how does it feel... And this would probably be really useful for a lot of the listeners, what is the process been like being pregnant and getting ready to give birth now in a foreign country? Can you talk a bit about that to help listeners who are potentially in your position? Like Beatriz, if you're listening, Beatriz is a good friend of Kel that she met through the podcast whose has the same due date as you.
Yeah, exactly the same.
It's funny because we are very close now because of that.
Yeah exactly. But I'm sure a lot of listeners it turns out like a lot of you guys have been messaging us and being like oh my God I'm pregnant as well or my wife's pregnant too and like we're expecting some blah blah blah. And so yeah can you talk a bit about your experience and what it's been like to give people an idea?
I think there are different aspects of it, like I don't have my family here. So with regards to emotional support and, you know, I rely on your family. So, that's a thing like depends on your connection with your family. Like say, if you are very close to your mom and you wish she was here, for me, I can't have that. So, I had to, I mean from it's not the case for me, like my mom and I, we are not that close and you know if she was he would be amazing, but she's not so I'm fine with that. But for some people like Beatriz, she is like her parents are here now, just in the last sort of weeks of her pregnancy and her parents came. So it depends on the type of relationship you have with your family.
SO, the point there you think is to make sure that you have some kind of network, at least, whether it's family or friends before you get pregnant or whilst you're pregnant make sure that you set up a good support network.
That's, I think, that's really important. We have your family and I have my family far away, but they are always in contact with me. It's not the same thing like, I can't leave the baby with them for for one night. The other thing is your financial situation like, I don't have Medicare at the moment. So, that's a burden you have to deal with if you are in Australia let's say and you're on a student visa. So, like pregnancy it's hard enough and then you have to deal with practical sort of financial things...
And unforeseen expenses, right? Do you want to talk about what it's cost you? And maybe the different kinds of appointments to give people an idea so, if they are over here and they have insurance, what even if they have insurance they have to pay for things upfront and they may not receive all of the money back. So, what's your experience been like? What of the appointments being like how much of their costs?
So I'm covered by my student health insurance for pregnancy. Very lucky because at the start we didn't know.
Yeah it was pretty weird cause you had two systems set up, she had to pick one, she had two insurances.
Yeah I have one insurance which is the one I paid upfront for before I came to Australia and then I changed my visa and I have a new one which doesn't cover me from pregnancy, but then I was oh, but the other one might do like, I have to check with them, and they were like, yeah fine, you know, everything's fine. It doesn't mean that I don't have to pay for things so, yeah even if you are covered you're going to pay like say you're not an Australian citizen, you're going to pay. But the thing is the health insurance refunds you get. So, you can claim like say the appointments we have at the hospital, now should be like every week, but we're trying to negotiate with them so we go every two weeks or something, are $332 dollars.
Each.
For 10 minutes with an obstetrician.
Especially for us, like the pregnancy has been fine. So, there's not much to discuss.
Well that was the thing, right? An unforeseen thing that happened was that you mentioned, I think you mentioned that your family had had pre-eclampsia, a certain condition where I think not enough blood gets into the uterus to the baby and so, they said oh okay we'll just give you an extra two meetings and two ultrasounds, each of which is like so... Each meeting with the obstetrician was three hundred and fifty bucks, each ultrasound was what hundred and fifty bucks. And so, all of a sudden from them just being like oh we'll book you in for an extra bunch of things, even if you get all that money back, you need to have that money to pay for it upfront and then you have to apply for it to be sent back to you. So, you have to kind of keep that in mind.
So, that's it. Like you get some money back, you may not get everything back. So with the ultrasounds I get say I pay 150 bucks, I get eighty dollars back. And with the appointments, luckily, I get everything back with.
The appointments with the obstetrician you do, but every time you had to go to the doctor like the GP the general practitioner. You only get what half of it back or none of it?
Probably less than half.
Yeah so, that's usually 100 something dollars for, again, 10 minutes with the GP down the road here. And sometimes they can kind of... They can bulk bill it, I think, when they give you the lowest price, but often decide how much they're gonna charge you. She's done that recently.
My GP is really nice. I'm always pointing out like oh, I don't gave Medicare, so she's like ok, so the other day I had an exam, I had a bunch of things done and she charged me like the lowest rate. So, it was really nice. But yeah, you have to think if you are in Australia or in another country which is not your home country, and you don't have your family around you and, you know like, that's lot to think about like your financial situation, your network as you said.
I think it just goes to show plan. Don't rush into it. Use contraception. If you want to have a baby, you have a baby but plan it out. Just make sure that everything is going to go smoothly because even if everything is setup and is going to go perfectly well with regards to appointments and finances and your support network, it's still stressful because of all the physical changes that happen to the woman.
Yeah and the other thing is in my case I have to apply for different visa very soon. So, say let's say you are an student in Australia. Your visa is about to expire. You don't want to pregnant because, especially you partner is Australian, because then you have this do I leave the baby and go back to Brazil to try to sort out my life and come back? Like it's really... So, that's another thing and the other thing is... I forgot what was going to say, but yeah, I think visa situation is really important because you don't want to get into like a battle with your partner. No one wants to, you know, otherwise you have to move your whole life, for us the worst case scenario you go to Brazil with me.
Well you just want to avoid as many headaches as possible, right? So, try and plan it out, try and have an idea of what's going on, get everything in place first and then get pregnant. Then have the baby, but if you're just flying by the seat of your pants, you're in for a rough ride.
It's just so much. The other thing, I just remembered, I want the babe like obviously his Australian and his Brazilian because, you know, I'm brazilian, you're Australian and we'll have to go to Canberra, to the Embassy get his documentation done, like everything, that's another thing you have to think because I know it's so easy to you know oh I'll do it one day, I'll do it at sometime. But then you forget and life goes on and one day you need to go to Brazil and your baby doesn't have the passport or whatever.
You want to talk about that? That event in Canberra?
Which one?
With the Brazilian family who had to leave because they... You can tell the story.
Well, we think, what we think happened was they had a baby. Lovely people, but they had a baby and...
This was a Brazilian couple that had come to Australia and they, when we met them, they had a three year old son.
Yes. But apparently she, I mean we think, she didn't say anything to the immigration.
She'd given birth, she had the son here, they'd been here for many years working on a working visa or whatever it was, they'd have, they'd given birth to the son here in Australia, but they'd never said anything to immigration.
The thing is they are both Brazilians. So, you know it's fine because, fine to an extent because the baby's not Australian, but because the baby's not Australian you need to inform immigration that your situation has changed because you need to make sure the baby has health insurance, your visa covers the baby because the baby gets automatically your visa criteria, situation, but you need to tell them.
Well, they just need to know how many citizens are in the country or people from overseas or in the country, they need to have tracked that. So, what happened?
If you want to apply for another visa, you have to, you have a dependent, right? Like you have a baby, you can't... And apparently she didn't, she didn't do any of that and she applied for a different visa and then she mentioned the baby, a three year old and immigration was like nope!
Now you're going to have to go back to Brazil. So, again it's, I guess it's one of those things where it's important to just get all your ducks in a row, right? Line up everything, have everything sorted out, have everything organised. Be very systematic and just prudent with what you do so then you don't have any unforeseen hurdles in the future coming up and really disrupting your life because she had to go back to Brazil with the kid, the husband stayed here and was still working at least up until we left Canberra, months later and she wasn't, I don't know if it was certain that they could ever return to Australia or at least they would have to sort go through the whole process again of paying for visas organising everything again.
It was a very weird situation. I don't really know what happened, but exactly, what you're saying is correct. Like, I want to... So, we have the baby, baby's documentation is like ready to go with regards to Medicare and everything. Then we apply for the visa. Then we can think about other baby. Like I don't want to rush into things.
I think pretty much all you need to do for him is put my name on the birth certificate and he's sorted because I'm Australian. So, as soon as his father is Australian, bam! And he's in Australia, bam! He's sorted. Yeah, it's a different story if you guys are both from a foreign.
Absolutely. And even... He's is Brazilian, but we'll have to go to Centrelink, get his... So it's not just like automatically. It is. It is because he has all the rights you have, with regards to public health and, you know, and everything. But we need to make sure the authorities know about him, you know? So, yeah I don't want to have any issues with that so, it's going to be an intense year, I think, trying to... And I don't want to delay going to Canberra to get his passport or anything.
We have to wait a while, right? He can't really leave the house following the first three weeks. Do you want to talk about how that's set up and vaccinations?
So, I got the...what do you call it, whooping cough?
Yeah. Whooping cough, I've forgotten all the other ones, tetanus, whooping cough, diphtheria, I'm not sure, there are a few of them in there.
So the immunity I get he gets, but then when he's born he needs to get his own.
He has to get a booster. So that his immune system gets hit with the same I guess the same...what would you call it? Dead viruses or whatever again to get an immunity to that stuff.
So, usually... I think six weeks, something like that, he can't...it's not that he can't leave the house, but I wouldn't go to the shopping with him.
We can probably take him walking and stuff, yu just keep him away from other people.
It's going to be winter so be like lots of... Yeah.
And at the moment we have the flu going around. It's meant to be one of the worst in Australian history and apparently 4000 people are going to die this year in Australia, obviously mostly young people and elderly people, but yeah hopefully Noah can avoid that that, even though you've also had your flu vaccine.
I did.
I haven't.
I know.
I'm just going to stay inside.
So, you better not get sick.
That's it.
Otherwise you're sleeping at your parent's.
Yes. So, we can't really travel with him. Like I'm not going take a two month old baby to Canberra, but once we are find to travel, we'll definitely have to do that to get his documents and birth certificate and yeah.
We're thinking a lot about that anyway at the moment, right? What to do in the coming year, whether or not we stay in Ocean Grove. So, I'm thinking about getting like a van and being able to travel around Australia, maybe moving to a different capital city to just experience different parts of Australia because I'd really love to just get out of where I've always been and see different sides of it, meet different people, share different experiences with these guys and it'd be cool if we can take the baby with us, because as well for the first five years he doesn't really need to be there in any specific location permanently until he ends up in school.
I think it'll be interesting. I just want to get those things done, sorted before we jump into an adventure, like ok, let's travel, do you have Medicare? Yes, ok. Maybe it's just my maternal sort of side speaking like I don't know, I just want to make sure he's fine, but I would totally be up for it like travel and it'll be really nice actually.
You know talk about labor before we finish up? How much you're looking forward to that? What are your expectations?
That's absolutely correct. I'm looking forward to it. Because when I got pregnant I was absolutely terrified of giving birth. And one side of it is I'm from Brazil. And if you're pregnant in Brazil and you're not rich, let's say, I don't know there's so much around it, like oh it's horrible. Oh my God, you're going to have the worst experience ever.
You mean giving birth naturally?
Naturally. Yeah. Not having a caesarean.
Caesarean is the... You go for it because.
60 percent or more have caesareans in Brazil? Yeah.
It's ridiculous. But I've been studying like actually studying, reading, talking to people, like I just want to experience the whole thing without interventions in drugs and anything.
So, what do you think's changed your mind? Because you were kind of shitting yourself at the start, you were really nervous really like oh... This thing is going to have to come out of my body one day! What's changed during that process? Do you think it's like gaining knowledge, doing the research?
Absolutely, yeah. And talking to people, talking to the right people. You want to hear positive experiences. And no one's going to lie to you. Like, oh, it was amazing I didn't feel anything, but they'll say it's doable. You can do it like, your body's built for this and, you know, you need to know what's fine and like as I was saying, my pregnancy has been really fine and healthy so, I don't have main concerns like I'm absolutely fine to give birth naturally. So, yeah, it's just knowledge and you read above things and you read how much, how risky a cesarean is and there's no way you're going to decide to have a surgery, like if you can do it naturally. For me it doesn't make any sense.
I was chatting to a friend in Brazil, she was like " you are really brave" and I'm like you are really brave, like you had an elective caesarean. You had a surgery a major, you know, intervention like I can't imagine doing that. That terrifies me, but yeah I'm really confident about giving birth. Like I know I can do it unless something goes wrong and that's another thing I have to work on because now I'm fine, but I am expecting things to happen as I want them to happen and things change like, you know...
And that's what I've said to you the whole time. I think, with epidurals, with caesareans, I think ultimately you have to do what you can, aim to do it naturally. But if something does go wrong and those options are required.
And they exist for a reason, right? Caesareans are awesome, they save lives, but I just... I have this picture in my mind that things would go as I want them to go. Hopefully, yes I'm correct, but if not, well, what can I do? I just want my baby to be healthy and yeah... But I'm really, really confident. I'm looking forward to it. in Maybe I'll feel a bit selfish because I'm like it is more about me, I want to experience that and the baby oh, there's a baby in the end of it? I didn't know, I don't know, it's funny, but yeah...
How do you think you're going to feel coming home for the first time?
Absolutely terrified. It's funny how your fear like goes into different things. It was Labour at first and then breastfeeding and then and you read about things and you study, and you're like, ok I'm confident, I can do that. I know it's going to be hard, but now I'm like how am I going to educate this person? How am I...
The good thing is you have time to work that out. You don't have to come home have a plan for the next 20 years laid out.
And even if you think you have, it's not going to work anyway.
It's going to change, it's going to change.
But yeah coming home, it'll be weird. I'm afraid we'll forget him in the car one day. Like, oh my God!
Hopefully not. Yeah. I think the one thing that I'm nervous about is just lack of sleep. That's all. I just don't know how well...maybe I'll adapt to it really well, maybe I won't, but that's the only thing that I'm really sort of nervous about and yeah. Crying, crying constantly, yeah. Just hoping, oh my God. Please, be a good baby. Be a good baby.
Well. Yeah. He'll cry a lot and there will be days, night, we won't be able to sleep. But things do get better, I think. I don't know. Maybe because I know that's the number one thing everyone tells you when you're pregnant, oh you're never going to sleep again. So, I'm like I already know.
Now I just assume the worst.
I just assume I won't be able to sleep forever. It's just...
Or cool, alright. Kelly, well thanks so much for joining me today. I think this is going to be... I'm almost 100 percent certain this is going to be the last episode on pregnancy that we're going to do for a while.
Hopefully.
I reckon we might do more in the future when you get number two in the oven, in the bun in the oven, but I think for now I have a feeling that he's going be here in the next week.
Well, let's see, maybe like 41 weeks pregnant. Oh my God.
Hopefully not. We can probably do an episode afterwards and you can talk about obviously the labour, overshare all that.
I want to vlog it as well. Like, I want to have this....
Yeah we're going to try and make an episode where we can put that on YouTube.
Like we did with the wedding.
Give you guys a front row seat to the birth.
Let's see, let's see.
Yeah. Anyway, cheers, guys! See you soon!
Bye!